I’m not clear what happened differently this week. I don’t have any new symptoms. Everything I can’t do, I haven’t been able to do in years at this point. My husband is still doing a good job taking care of me. We have not even been arguing. I’ve been seeing my same psychiatrist and I’ve really been doing my part to cling to my sanity.
But yesterday, I completely lost it. I cried endlessly all day long! I hate crying. I especially hate doing it in front of my husband. Because, I know there’s really nothing he can do and men always want to “fix” the problem. The thing is I don’t think there is a way to fix me.
Since nothing has changed, I am fiddling with the idea of increasing my depression medication. You know depression is really a side effect of multiple sclerosis. But of course it would be.
It’s so bad that I actually left a recent MS self-help meeting feeling worse, because I was the most disable one there. Meaning, although they all had valid complaints, at least they could get up and walk out. I had the nerve to judge them and that made me feel horrible.
It seems as if once again I’m assuming that if you can walk you must be happy. From down here in my wheelchair it seems that has to be true. Right?
So I’m going to see my psychiatrist next week. Hopefully, it will be as simple as him writing a new prescription.
Hopefully.
wow, Nicole. You sure hit lots of points in these few words. You are right on the money – so many of us look at the next person and judge, relative to our own situation, without ever knowing their perspective. Don’t let that make you feel bad, we all do it, and for good reasons of survival. hugs, Laura
AWW……SWEET lady, I don’t know how you believe but the old hymm “one day at a time,sweet Jesus” seems to help me . Depression is a monster!!! In 2005 I cried ALL day an would cry at the drop of a tear!! A siily commercial would bring it on.Then the oncologist I was seeing told me I was so depressed I didn’t realize I was.He started me on one antidepressant and only one increase in milligrams. Please hang in there!!!!!! <3
Paula, I will.
I just discovered your blog and I have really enjoyed it, because I could relate to so much of it. I needed to find something or someone with similar experiences — the wheelchair, the falls, the frustrations. Thanks for righting about yours. I’m actually sitting here crying right now because reality has hit me again.
Jennifer, Thanks, I do release current posts on Tuesdays. Crying is allowed!
Bunny, Are they doing stem cell therapy here in the US?
Nicole:
I’m no expert but from personal experience, I believe that grief is a life-long process and that even when we think we’ve finally accepted all the changes, limitations, losses, and challenges, there are times when (for WHATEVER reason) we revert a bit and hurt more again.
I feel great most days, thanks to good chemical combo (meds). But sometimes al lit takes to BUM ME OUT is the sight of a fit jogger or hiker sweating and doing their thing as I stroll along and wish I could walk/run a 10-K again, or climb a hill. It can make me sad for days… and then I must recover from that grief of loss all over again.
I’m glad you have a psych to talk with; if you feel REALLY crappy you might call even before your appointment and ask for a chat or to see them sooner.
You have tons of support here– we are virtual friends who really care and many of us may be in the same position (no pun intended). I myself quit support groups for a similar reason: nice people with good intentions BUT the group had the OPPOSITE effect on me: I was the most ABLED person there at the time, and all I could think of was “OMG, that beautiful young lady is drooling and can’t speak from her MS; will that be ME?” or “I feel guilty because I LOOK SO GOOD.”
i hope you don’t “fiddle” with your meds without calling your doc or nurse; some of the stuff we take can do more harm than good if you increase dose especially if you take other stuff. I’m on THREE psych meds which took as many years to determine what meds and doses work for me! Celexa/ Wellbutrin/Klonopin finally did the trick.
Exercise helps– I know you’re in a chair but there are exercises for folks in w/c and if you’re able you might look into that,.
(I have a set of bicycle “pedals” used on a desktop that you “peddle” with your arms to keep upper body strength and even break a sweat if you can go fast enough. got it for FREE and would send it to you if wanted, no charge.)
I HATE to hear of people in pain either physical or emotional. I have suffered both.
Would rather chew nails than be extremely depressed or in pain.
So that is why I ramble on– I care. Also because I just took my NUVIGIL and coffee which always make me JABBER in the morning.
Best to you, please stay strong so you can enjoy the better days to come. Because they ARE coming: I promise.
Joy J.
atlanta
(RRMS x 30 years/ on SSDI/ age 59)
Joy, You said, “I believe that grief is a life-long process and that even when we think we’ve finally accepted all the changes, limitations, losses, and challenges, there are times when…”
That’s exactly what this is. Thanks so much for showing it to me.
I wish MS had taken my ability to walk. What it took instead was years of memory,, disappeared, and short term memory loss, amongst other things. I was once literally a genius. Now, there are days I feel so stupid.
Daida, Its mind boggling how different it can be for everyone.
MS is a journey for all of us…heck LIFE is a journey.
You have shown me a lot in the short time that I have known you and I admire your strength. (and the fact that you ALWAYS look fantastic….I am jealous of that since I am not as good as getting ready/looking put together as you are.)
Sadness is a normal part of this process. I have accepted that. I too hate crying in front of my…he tells me that he hates when I cry because he “doesn’t know what to do”. I also know that there are days when I just cannot keep the tears inside anymore.
I am glad to hear that you are seeing someone to talk about things as I am told that helps. Stay strong – I know you will – but don’t be afraid to cry when you need to. It is part of the journey.
Sue, Are you back? Yes, crying is part of my journey too. I never thought about it like that. Thanks.
You have helped so many of us – I couldn’t answer at first because I couldn’t think how I could help you. To show you that I understood because I am a writer and a fellow traveler I almost wrote down one of my monthly, sometimes weekly, suicide notes to my Journal. Maybe I should just have one photocopied 100 times and just paste it in my journal daily. But then I thought I should just share the not so nice part of my thoughts. Here goes, I have had a long journey with ms – I am not in a chair at the moment, and the hateful truth is sometimes I envy people in chairs because I think they don’t have to constantly defend the fact that they have ms. The litany I hear of “You don’t look like you have ms.” Please know, you have a special kind of beauty that exudes from your pores, you can’t help yourself, you glow because you take that courageous leap most people are afraid to – you share your good and “bad” thoughts. HELL, YES THROW A BLOODY PITY PARTY!!! MS SUCKS! BEING IN A CHAIR SUCKS! You would be insane if it didn’t depress you. Just set a time limit and choose your guests wisely – I, for one, would be honoured to be on your guest list. I always feel better after a good cry. There seems to be no right way to deal with depression – all we can do is pass on what works for each of us – pills, God, yoga, the full moon, food, etc. – as a community you make us stronger. Baby girl, I am getting old – what I hate the most is not the chair, it is the fact that you young ones get this hellish disease when you should be out dancing the night away. By the bye, when I did dance the night away, one of my best dance partner’s was confined to a chair. That sexy man moved like silk and all the ladies knew it. I suspect somewhere deep inside you is the female version of that fine “gentle” man. Get your groove on girl – times a’wastin.
Patricia, You spoke words of gold! Thanks. I will continue this bumpy path somehow.
Thank you for writing that. Just when I thought no one gets it, you went and got it.
Mindy, LOL! I wish I didn’t though.
Nicole,
Uncle Clifford and I are so sorry you are having such a rough time. Just wanted to tell you how much we love and support you and what an inspiration you are. You are certainly entitled to your down times, but we are ALL here for you if you just need to call and cry on a different shoulder! Sending lots of hugs and kisses your way…
Aunt Pam, Thanks! I have changed meds and look forward to change.
I can walk but I am not happy. I have PPMS and almost all my symptoms are cognitive. I had handicapped parking so I could find my car. I don’t drive anymore and I can’t go anywhere alone as I may get lost. I can’t shop and handling money is hard for me. I live in a constant cog fog.
This makes me very unhappy. I can’t contribute to my family, I can’t work. Answering a phone can be a challenge to me. My husband lost a job after 25 years and I can’t go to work. I have been on disability since 2005. My disability is for mental problems at this point. I went through mental gymnastics, a sixteen hour test given in 2 days only to be told the state wants me to have a conservator. My disability checks go to my husband. I am losing myself.
I am not sure what symptoms are worse. I don’t know how I would feel if I couldn’t walk. I use a cane but I can get around. I can’t even imagine.
Being mentally impaired after being a smart cookie is humbling to say the least. I can rarely have a conversation without saying “What were we talking about” and it is intimidating.
I cry in frustration and get mad at myself often. But what can we do but our best each day. One foot in front of the other. I don’t think about the future because it scares me. I try to live in the moment.
I think we are both screwed. Between the two of us we would make a whole person. If I only had a brain.
You may wonder how I write so well. I am on two Alzheimer’s drugs and writing is easier than speaking for me. Before the drugs I had a hard time speaking and walking. This way I can edit myself.
Lisa, I can’t imagine what life is like for you! I apologize if I in any way offended you. Sometimes anger can the best of me.
You in no way offended me. I was hoping to illustrate what a small percentage of us go through. We are in the minority so I thought I would speak out. I always wonder if there is someone also going through this.
I enjoyed the blog. We all have our own feelings. I envy people who can think, like you. You may envy me for being able to walk. I think this is a natural reaction.
Don’t feel bad. You need to tell it like it is. Your feelings are valid.
Lisa , Thanks for letting off the hook!
Lisa,
Thank you so much for your post. I find myself frustrated at my balance issues, but I cannot imagine having the memory issues that you are dealing with. I agree with you as to not knowing which issues are worse. I guess we all mourn for our old selves. One day I think this will make sense. I truly believe this happened to me for a reason. I’m not sure why at this time, but there has to be a reason. Ii hope you are able to find that for yourself too!
Laurie
Laurie, You are a dear. Thanks for the comment. I had aggressive cancer and survived. I know cancer made me understand life better and gave me coping skills. So far MS hasn’t done this for me. My coping skills have come into play in this MS battle. I am looking for the silver lining.
Nicole , I sent you a message , but I don’t seem to see it here !!!!! although I did see a ‘like’ from you. !!!! However, I am a bit more then techno challenged at the moment..-;) (so short review !)
Gentle hugs to you my friend -;))) you are allowed to cry all day, rant, rave, & throw a wobbly.!!! It’s a tough hand we have been dealt, &. some times & some days we cope with it better then others..and that’s OK….-:) I have had days and periods you are describing, where I am not only totally overwhelmed with the “hugeness !!!!! ” of MS..##..but also the knowledge that …..To survive this insidious disease I need to get a grip….!!!!!. Try and get myself into a better place, -:) sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t ….personally I find the -** various ,& never ending types & levels of grief one of the hardest things to come to deal with.**!!!
Sometimes it’s manageable and recognisable , but at others , it’s insidious and comes on so quickly and quietly it Totaly bites me on the bum. -;;) !!!. Like you, no new symptoms, no new dramas , just that overwhelming sense of loss, frustration, sadness and isolation regardless of having people around…..I get angry, can’t stop crying, am ashamed of myself ,my behaviour and thoughts…all I can do at such times is warn those around me to ‘take care as I am *fragil* right now, take my meds, watch my diet and wait it out. !!!!! Thankfully , so far I do come out the other side with a smile on my face and having learnt something new about myself and the disease, -;)
I have journeyed with MS for over 30 years now, -;) raised 3’kids on my own, retrained and re educated myself so I could be employable and support my family, been in a chair many times, then used canes for safety almost all the time..the whole gament of what us MS’s go through..
I stopped work 10 years ago, some days are pretty good, & I can actually get stuff done or go out for lunch etc…others , I can’t get out of bed. !!!!! That’s pretty much my routine these days . Lol..very boring eh!!!!! . I have 2 beautiful grandchildren I adore and they and my 3 kids are the joys of my life. -:)
I recently lost my youngest sister at the age of 49 with complications from Muscullar Dystrophy ,..she was so brave, mostly happy, sung beautifully, lived on the Internet with her community of friends from all over the world….She rarely complained and was a force to be reckoned with I can assure you…lol…however, she taught me a wonderful lesson, to accept myself, what I can do, love those who love and care for me and to save my energy for the important things….But…mostly to not bash myself up when it gets really tough and I feel I can’t cope with it any more !!!!!!! Because, you will find the inner strength , to go on and actively particapate in life as much as you possible can when you can, and then just accept that when it’s far too hard to do so, accept that to, rest, sleep, cry, rant , rave & carry on as much as you want!!!!!!! Because YOUR ALLOWED. -;) and no one can or has the right to say other wise.
I think you are an inspiration to me and I am sure to many others, **** so my friend…take care, be kind to yourself, and give yourself a very gentle pat on your back for all the hope and wise words you so willingly and graciously share with other.
Big hugs, Marie B. Australia……
Marie, Thank you soooo much! You see it now that I’ve approved your message.You are right sometimes I handle things better than hoers. I guess its the nature of how this goes!
Nicole, it’s not one day or one thing that pushes us into a dark place. Grief builds up and smacks us in the face as it bubbles over. I found the way Kim describes grief in her blog very therapeutic – if you haven’t read it, it’s very worth our time.
http://kim-ontheway.blogspot.com/search/label/Grief
Reading about Job, David and/or Paul in the Bible helps me too. Suffering isn’t a new thing – it stinks, but it pushes us into the arms of God. I hope you will rest in His love and see His light in dark days.
Hugs to you, Nicole.
Kerri, Thanks for the heads up on the blog. You’re tight suffering is not new.
I felt like crying lately too. I have a young friend who believes the change in pressure (weather) has a big impact on us MS sufferers. We all know the change in the weather from season to season has an effect but maybe from high to low pressure systems can also have a noticeable impact. It does make sense if you think about it. We all have unprotected wiring in our brains and spines, it would seem that the swelling and contraction that may cause would mess with us. Just a thought – hope you feel better Nicole.
Eve, I will.
I dont know why u would leave I know you’re in a wheelchair MS is a silent disease a lot of those people might or do hurt too we all have multiple sclerosis and it sucks but we’re all supposed to be here for each other….
Lynn, I’m not going anywhere!
I’ve had Relapsing Remitting MS for almost thirteen years. I can still walk and people can’t believe I can look so good for having MS. Believe me when I say, I may look good but I don’t feel well. I always suffer from balance issues, and hand and foot neuropathy. Additionally, I suffer from vertigo which means I’m always dizzy. I rest often and do as much as I can each day. I focus on what I’ve accomplished. Yes, I get depressed, but I work at not letting it get the best of me. Remember, to take pleasure in the simple things. Don’t EVER give up hope! Take one day at a time. Move forward. Keep smiling!
God bless!!!
Bernadette, I understand. I hope I did not offend you.
If only the use of one’s legs were all it took to be happy… Fortunately for you (and unfortunately for some able-bodied folks) happiness comes from gratitude, persistently looking for the good in the world, fighting against automatic negative irrational thoughts and self-compassion. None of those requires the use of your legs.
You mentioned seeing a psychiatrist. That’s a good start, having someone around who can prescribe medicine that may help. Have you seen a therapist (MFT or LCSW) or psychologist? Talk therapy is just as important and helpful as medication and doesn’t come with side effects. Were it not for my therapist, I don’t know that I would have gotten to the point that I accept myself as I am, MS and all.
Also, I don’t know if anyone has told you this, so I’m going to: It’s perfectly acceptable to lose your mind from time to time. It happens to everyone. Clinging to sanity is awfully difficult and is entirely unnecessary. Allow yourself to feel the way you feel. Try to be as patient with yourself as you would be with a good friend. We all flip out from time to time. What makes the difference is coming back to yourself in the end. We are all works in progress.
Lastly, have you watched any youtube of Nick Vujicic? He’s pretty amazing and has no legs. I think you might get a lot out of watching one of his videos.
Rachael, yes I do talk therapy as well. it comforting to think that clinging is unnecessary. thanks
Nicole,
You are such an inspiration to me. I am sorry you are going thru this stuff. MS is such an asshole (hope my language didn’t offend anyone) I still walk, but not without the help of my ‘friends’…cane, walker, scooter..
Hang in there my friend.
You are strong and courageous.
Faye
Faye,Thanks for the words of encouragement.
Hi Nicole,
I have had a week long pity party, maybe it’s the season changing. I will take out my light box,thank you for writing it helps me see that I am not the only one who has these same thoughts. We cannot stop fighting this enemy MS.
Delma, You are absolutely right.
Nicole-I too have down days for no apparent reason. I can’t imagine what life is like for you in a wheelchair. I am one of those supposedly happy people that walk without problems (minus tripping on my own feet or walking into walls). The majority of my symptoms are cognitive. I am 34, and was only dx’d 3 years ago. Since then I’ve had a rapid decline in memory, attention span, word finding, etc. It was so bad that my Neuro had me take the neuropsych test and put me on disability after only 2 yrs. I cannot tell you how many people (friends, family, former co-workers) have judged me because they can’t visibly see my disability. Although this is so wrong, I catch myself sometimes wishing I had a MS problem that people could see. Way to tempt fate, right? My point here is that life is most certainly not better, it’s just different. We all have our own cross to bear, so please don’t judge those who don’t have the same issues you do. Especially since we’re all in the same boat and should be more understanding than the “normal” people.
Lynn, You are right. we are all in this together. sometimes things just get the better of me. I apologize.
Well, don’t feel bad, there was a time my hubby would look longingly at anyone being able to get about in a wheelchair…. he had not moved from his spot (seriously) for years!!!! One spot, one place, 24/7.
I have to say, he hung in there admirably. So, keep your chin up 🙂
Ruth, I will.
Nicole,
I know I mentioned it before to you that Can Do MS has an excellent program for both the MSer and the caregiver. They have opened the enrollment application for their next 4 day program in CO. They only have a limited amount of applicants they can accept. I highly recommend checking into it as it is a great retreat for both you and Tommy. Please consider it. I think you can help others at it as much as you can get excellent advice from a wide spectrum of professionals who have us in their hearts to help us. http://www.mscando.org
April, I will check it out. What time of year is it?
It’s actually a good thing to cry. It means you’re still in touch with your sadness. I want to cry but haven’t in years, unless you count getting a little teary with joy on occasions like my daughter’s wedding. I tend to get angry at times and my poor spouse gets my slings and arrows. I get angry about loss; I get angry because I’m unable to do things that I’ve loved doing for so long, like gardening and cooking. If only I could cry my eyes out, I feel I may be able to put it behind me, though that may not be the inevitable result. I belonged to a group for women with MS until I moved out of the city. I appreciated that group very much, but may not have if I were the most disabled, though there were a few women in wheelchairs and I appreciated hearing their points of view.
Diane, Well I’m certainly in touch with my sadness. Are you saying you are not? Do you feel like you don’t deserve to cry?
HI Nicole – I monitor my meds closely. I would like to take less, but when I try to take less, I have trouble coping. I have a close relationship with my GP, I have seen him every six months for the last 19 years. When I was diagnosed with MS, I told him I felt lucky to already be taking antidepressants.:)
Today a coworker asked me how my day was going and I felt like saying, “Everyday I can walk, is a good day,” but I just said I was doing well.
As far as advice goes, I live by an Alcoholics Anonymous saying, “Take what you like and leave the rest.”
I hope you have a good day and break through to a new perspective.
We all care for your well-being and peace of mind.
Lollie, Sounds good to me. Now only if I can live it
Nicole, your feelings are completely valid. I am not currently wheelchair bound, although, like many PwMS, I have been many times. I have had MS for 20 years, having been completely paralyzed at age 22, for many months. I have suffered from severe and chronic depression since my first memories, and I do not believe it was only because of MS. Anyway, these last few years I have also developed severe and chronic pain, along with weakness and fatigue. Sorry to go on, but getting to my point – I cannot tell you how many times I wished I had a choice – suffer as I do now, or be in a wheelchair withOUT these symptoms!! I do not know what it’s like to be in a wheelchair for years, and I do not minimize it one bit! I just wanted you to see the other side of it so maybe you don’t feel so bad having those feelings, knowing us, on the ‘other side’, having the same thoughts 🙂 I really hope you feel much better very soon!
Jennifer, Me too. I apologize for minimizing your struggles. We are in this together.
I’m just lucky to have my kids. Anytime I start to feel a “woo is me” pitty party coming I just have to look at them. Looking at my daughter of 4 heart surgeries and a stroke all before age 4 hating to take more medicine because she hasn’t pooped in a week makes me realize there are many hurting worse than I am. I don’t even have to look outside my house. When I feel crazed, I can look at my son trying to control his emotions despite many physical impediments. Then when I need to laugh, I can look at my youngest blind/delayed child and marvel at the speed she lives life bouncing around from fall to fall all in search of something else to beat with a rhythm.
I tell them all the time they will find that which they expect to find. Want to find a reason why the potty is scary? Ask my daughter. She can find a spot somewhere in the room which is scary. However, if you want to feel like you are doing well, look at the struggles of others and what they overcome. I remember Einstein’s quote promising he had more trouble with math than anyone he knew. yes, Einstein said something along those lines. I also keep saying I get far more from my kids than they get from me.
I hope you find peace. Tears can be a wonderful thing so don’t feel bad for crying. Tears justly earned are marvelous healing agents for the soul.
well lived, Sounds like I need kids! I like what you said, “I tell them all the time they will find that which they expect to find.” That’s rings of truth.
Darling Nicole,
Please allow yourself to feel what you feel. As others have written, it will definitely pass. As for what it all means — you have the inner strength and wisdom to move through this stage of your journey towards the “new normal” that you want. Suggestion: Have you considered adding EFT and/or meditation to your daily schedule? Both have really helped me feel much stronger and more positive, which has helped me improve physically over the past few weeks. In addition to changing/adding medication, please consider alternatives that use the wisdom and energy within your own body (yes, the one that is in the wheelchair!) to help you become even more powerful than you already are. Sending love and much positive energy from my wheelchair to yours!
Linda, what is he EFT? you’re right there are things that I can change.
Oh Nicole, (( gentle hugs)) .. not used to hearing this side of you, but I have to realize that this is what happens with MS.. the depression. Do talk to the therapist and I hope you can get through this , because even though you may be in a wheelchair ( and I am not, so I don’t have that perspective) just know that I don’t see the chair , or even think of the chair when I hear your name or read your posts.. I just see a woman from whom I am learning how to be a better me with my MS. Continue to inspire!
Ellajean, That was so nice! if anything the next time I’m down I’ll come back and read your comment!!!!!
Nicole, from what I know of you… you are beautiful, intelligent and insightful. MS will never take that from you. Just remember how strong you are every time you do something ordinary, let the MS be your motivator, let good friends be your guide. Love yourself, and cry because emotions are just proof that we are alive. OM SHANTI!
Sara,Thank you so much!
Hi Nicole,
I am in agreement with Julie: you are a huge inspiration to me. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Your feelings are your feelings. The good thing about feelings is that we can work on changing them. The simple act of sharing your struggle here with us shows that you are pushing through to feeling better. Sometimes it just takes a few days or weeks….
I think it is a good idea to check with your doc on your meds. You may need to have something tweaked that might just help you a little bit.
Hugs to you
Marie, You are right sharing here helps a lot. I will have that talk with my doc.
PLEASE DON’T JUST TAKE ANOTHER PILL ! Sure my ms isn’t as bad as yours,but I am trying to get closer to God rather than closer to another pill. Yes I get so depressed,and yes I am on antidepressants and thought about upping them because I get crying binges, but I will not take another damn pill. I feel my brains is numb half the time. I cannot hold a decent conversation now because of my brain, and I just cant stand the feeling that the pills are controlling me now! Cry because your soul needs too. Love yourself, because you are a beautiful caring loving woman who is there to share the truth of this disease. Its a horrible disease yes,but we roll with the punches, good days and bad. We love you Nicole, but please don’t up the pills for the tears you need to cry. Cry because your heart and soul need to cry. Its okay to cry.
Love and light
Cas Styrcula
Cas, You are showing me a new way of looking at things.
Carry on..carry on…I know we can’t change this dreadful thing that just happened to us…However, we can try not to let it take the best of us away with it..
Jude, Carry on! I will.
nicole, I can honestly say been there, done that. My doctor finally convinced me to try paxil after having a melt down in his office and I must say I do feel better. Is it the medication, or the fact I’m now a grandmother or the fact that I have “accepted” the new me? Maybe it is all of the above, but I do feel much better. No longer do I feel the need to throw a pity party. I myself stopped going to MS support meetings about 10 yrs ago. Even though I wasn’t as disabled as others there, I didn’t feel that it was helping me. I get more help & support from your blog! Maybe you should consider giving them up also since you are the most disabled there and it saddens you to attend. Talk to your doc abt increasing your dosage or changing medication alltogether. Good luck!
Kim, I spoke with him and we have plan. thanks for reading my blog!
Grieving sometimes catches up with one. Sometimes at the most surprising and inopportune moments. And MS elicits a never ending grieving process since the deterioration, seen or unseen, is progressive. Yes, depression could be at the heart of your crying. However, so might be a process of grieving. The treatment of these two conditions may not be identical.
Judy, I’m definitely grieving!
Oh, Nicole! Does a huge “ditto” help? It will pass. What works for me when I get that way is to just Keep to myself for a little while. Just be enfolded in the comforts and love of home. Reading a book. Watching a movie. Looking at family photos. It passes. Ice cream helps toooo!!
Tammy, Thanks, I’ll give them a try.
Oh Nicole it breaks my heart to read this. I hope things are better for you soon! Although, I am convinced that if I can walk without my cane I’ll be happier. I’m not entirely sure the connection there, but I am amazed at how much I wish I could walk independently again. I had no idea I would miss something so simple, that I never thought about before. I mean walking just was so natural. It amazes me the things we give no thought to unless they’re taken away from us. I will be thinking about you and praying for you.
Laurie, I feel the same way about a lot of things now.
Nicole darling!
Remember when we could walk, run, dance. were we realY happy all the time? Ans: No
Did we ever think mmm that person can’t walk, that makes me happier and better than them? Ans: no!
we all share the same diagnosis “Human” with dominating ego’s. It is what it is and we do what we do in each moment that passes.
Angela, you know you’re right. all the way right and I thank you for that.
I’m a lot like you, Nicole. I have my bouts of sobbing for no reason that I can explain. Maybe people who can walk, even with a cane, think they have something to moan about. But I always think, too, “At least you can walk.” I wish I could have regular visits with a psychologist, but how would I get there? I feel very alone and isolated sometimes.
Laurie, Hang in there!
Hi Nicole
It’s got to be the moon, tide or sun! As I spent a good part of the day in tears as well. I finally told myself one day for pity party, tomorrow will be a new day for us both. Hang in there!
Gretchen, Thanks.
Thinking of you Nicole, all the best and hang in there. xxx
Thanks.
Oh Nicole — this is why I get all of my support online rather than belong to a self-help support group. You can choose to read people’s comments (or not)! For the record, you are a huge inspiration to me — thank-you!!
Julie, That”s something to consider.