We are not all amazing stories waiting to be told; we are more like amazing lives ready to be lived. -Unknown
MS can transform you into someone you barely recognize. I for one refuse to let that materialize. Sometimes MS wins but I cannot let it totally defeat me. I will relentlessly attack with vigor and die fighting with my boots on, in my continuous campaign against MS. No matter the score I will fight MS one battle at a time. MS is like a storm cloud hanging over my life. It has me soaked in pain but I’m still here. I’m still fighting.
Don’t get me wrong; it has altered my dreams and routines. I can no longer walk, work or drive. All reasons to make you want to punch the wall and give up.
But I can’t. I’m too stubborn. I learned it from my mom. She’s a fighter and so am I.
Happiness is never handed to you. You have to shape it yourself; just like a potter. After having a couple of rough weeks, it dawned on me there are a few things I must continually do to maintain my level of happiness or at least contentment.
I need to make it to the gym.
I need to write to share my experiences with multiple sclerosis.
I need to read.
I need to go to the psychiatrist.
All things I remembered after a recent horseback ride. Oh, something else I enjoy. At a local non-profit farm it’s cheap and serves as physical therapy. That’s a 2 for 1!
If you look hard enough, if you want it bad enough, you can find something you CAN do too.
What is it?
Where can I find your writings to read everyday? I am having very
hard difficult trying sad almost impossible time right now.
I have applied 2nd time. Its crazy how they make people suffer
before they help us.
Thanks continue your battle I know I will. LOTS OF ♥♥ to U!
Lori Kiker
[email protected]
Lori, Take one day at a time. Don’t dwell on the future. I live a philosophy “Be here now.” I live in the moment as much as I can. It is hard living any other way with this disease.
To get disability I had to go to a neuropsychiatrist. I was given a 16 hour test spread over two days. It was so hard. My main problem is cognitive. I failed, the state made my husband my conservator, and my disability checks go to him. I handle all this well because of my attitude.
Remember be here now and one day, sometimes a minute, at a time. You must feel so lost. I had to reply. Take care.
Lori I just read your post. Be Here Now by Babba Ram Das is a good start. It will help you get through the hard times. I read it as a teenager and am 58 and it still applies to my life. I can’t live in the future because it is so scary. I take it a day at a time. I hope you are doing better. Take care.
Keep fighting!!!
Tc, I will!
Glad to see you on a horse. Aren’t they they most wonderful animals? Next to dogs, that is. I was a horse person before MS. I share boarded a horse and my kids learned to care for him and ride him. Meanwhile, my condition got so bad, I was afraid to ride. When my daughter volunteered at Therapeutic Horsemanship, they talked me into riding a horse that was trained to follow voice commands. She walked around and around in a corral. It was so boring I wanted to cry – but I smiled instead. Then, one leg went totally numb and I needed help getting off the horse (I’d gotten on without help because they had a handicap ramp.) I was humiliated and I never rode again. My daughter started playing polo so I still got to hang out with horses all the time. I was part of the polo circuit and everyone knew me. Now, after several years of playing polo, she’s given it up. I miss it more than she does. I wish I had a horse at home, just to hug and talk to sometimes.
Laurie, yes I love riding horses! it’s been one of the best things that’s happened to me since i’ve gotten and multiple sclerosis
Nicole,
You are an inspiration to me!! You always make me realize that I am not the only one who has these feelings about the struggle. Sometimes I just want to close the blinds and never leave my apartment.
Anyway. Please keep posting.You’re a truly beautiful soul!!! 🙂
I’m glad I found this…u made me feel so much better…but it’s still gonna take time…
Thanks for sharing the picture you are brave. I too am stubborn but it helps with keeping up the good fight. I am currently recovering from a rough relapse. I am still learning this disease. Your posts help me greatly. I will keep fighting please do the same!
Thank you, Nicole!!! You helped me regain my focus to “fight for myself” today!!!
The way I’ve always conducted my life, both before this wingnut condition, and during it is that I’m above ground & breathing…the rest is gravy! In other words, I can work with what I have to deal with. I’ll be danged if I’m going to let this disease be my driving force. Yes, it sucks to never know what you’re going to dealing with & yes, it’s keeping us unbalanced…but I love reading about how others make this disease “their” own. You are an inspiration to those of us who haven’t quite gotten there yet.
The horseback riding must be lots of fun. You have an amazing attitude and are a go- getter. Your pictures show you to be involved in life. I look up to you. I can’t imagine a physical handicap as I am in the 10% of PPMS that have severe cognitive issues. I can’t even walk around the block alone. At least I can walk with a cane.
I know the physical disability will rear it’s ugly head eventually. Now I am enduring the realization that I am no longer myself. I am nervous in public as I am so unsure of myself. I can’t work, drive or have a discussion without getting lost. Relating to strangers is exceptionally hard. I have had to tell that I have MS and don’t remember what we were talking about. Geez, that is embarrassing.
Attitude is my revenge.
Congratulations Nicole!
What a mpowerful and amazingly encouraging realization — you continue to be a wonderful example for all of us on this journey.
Hi Nicole.
Each week you speak to my heart and my spirit. All that I am going through I am doing just that “GOING THRU” and each time I come out stronger. Thank you for motivating me whether you know it or not. Take good care!
Love seeing you up on that horse! You reminded me that I just can’t get down on myself — I have a lot still left to accomplish!
Nicole i love you!
your stories are so inspiring for me, like a good friend always saying ‘Hey, don’t give up’.
Thanks & have a great day1
Nicole – thanks for this one! I need a lot of the same things as you do. This is such a good reminder that even though I’ve lost some abilities, I’ve not lost them all – there is so much I CAN do. It also reminded me not to lose myself through this journey. I am still me (my husband reminds me all of the time that I’m still the person he fell in love with). Thanks again for reminding me of these things. You never cease to inspire and amaze me!
Nicole ~ I am right in the middle of the most difficult and stressful month I have ever had to endure. On top of that I am having an MS flair. I know I can do this. I just wonder if I can do this with grace.
Jenny
Jenny my money is on YOU!