“Depression is the inability to construct a future.” – Rollo May
Last month was a rough one for me. Physically, I was about the same. Emotionally, I was a wreck.
I was basically doing all the things I should not do. That includes, constantly thinking of activities I can no longer participate in. The more I thought, the more I cried. At first it was behind my husband’s back. Then it was right in front of him. I couldn’t control my emotions. I couldn’t hide the anguish any longer. I began to believe that MS was taking over my life. The pain was ringing in my head non-stop.
I consider this a personal low. I’m not proud of my behavior. I should have known something was up when I lost interest in the pastimes that keep me going and motivated.
But finally, I took a real look at myself. I focused on what was happening to me and I saw a depressed person.
How could I miss this? It’s simple Psych 101.
Thankfully, my husband suggested I visit my psychiatrists. So the next day I did. He increased one of my medications, but I still have some personal work to do.
The social worker I see, suggested I find something to keep me busy. I remembered that I already have that here with you guys. So I’ve come full circle, running with open arms, back to my online family. I’m right back where I started, but now I’m healthier and happier.
And I’m taking it, one day at a time.
Being in the early stage of finding out you might have MS this blog has been a door opening for me… Thanks I know I can do this when I read about others and their journey … I am still coming to terms with it all taking each day as it comes.. I will keep connected with you all…
I was just diagnosed with CIS, Clinically Isolated syndrome and currently take MS medicine injections. Even thought it has been 4 months I still have symptoms. Is this normal? I have constant numbness in limbs, fatigue, neck pressure, depression and cognitive issues. Do people still work with these conditions? I have a high pressure/stress job. I don’t know what is my new normal now.
Hi Nicole! I enjoy your posts, thanks so much for your honesty! It really helps the rest of us. I’ve recently moved to a warmer climate, been experiencing a lot of leg pain and stiffness due to the heat. It’s bringing me down because I’ve been pretty active to this point. I don’t have a new job yet, which also isn’t helping. But, thanks to your post, I have realized what I can do…what I’ve always had right here that I have been overlooking. Thanks so much! Best of everything to you and your family!
Kim,I’m happy for you!! Thanks for reading and keep moving forward .
Hey, you are stronger that you realize! Don’t beat yourself. It is only reasonable to be depressed. Take time and try to see some positivity, although that I realize is very challenging at times.
“If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace you are living in the present.”
I wish you more of ‘living in the present’
THISMSBS. Well said.
Every time I get the notification that a new entry awaits I get excited. I don’t think it has occurred to you how talented a writer you are. Let’s step this up and say that this may be preparing you for your next career. Such a inspirational author ought to be able to “write her own ticket!”
Mary Alice thank you. I’m truly humbled.
Hi Nicole I too have been struggling with my emotions for the last few weeks. The title of your blog this week is like the gospel to me as this is how I handle things since my diagnosis. I tell any and all who ask how I’m doing “one day at a time” not sure what tomorrow may bring and today is all I can handle. Please know you are not alone in this. We as your readers appreciate you taking your time and sharing with us each week. Your posts have truly made a difference in my life. Take care
Pam, I appreciate you!
The MS Roller Coaster has some strange highs and really low, lows and in between there are terrifying moments. I hope your ride remains stable for a while – I’m so glad June has brought more of Nicole back into the light. And as always, thanks for sharing this with us here.
PAM CROSS: I am going to use your lines. “One day at a time. Not sure what tomorrow may bring and today is all I can handle.” So true. Thank you for sharing.
Laura, thanks. It feels good to be back.
Don’t be hard on yourself. Having MS is very depressing. I have to take meds to hold everything together. If I wasn’t on meds I would be crying all the time. When I hear “I have MS but it doesn’t have me” I want to hurl. MS would have me by the balls if I had any. My life has changed and not for the better.
I do live in the moment. The future freaks me out. The past is gone. I am in touch with my feelings. Acceptance is a big part of this dance.
Thank you. It helps to know I am not alone. My families and friends do not understand.
Teresa, it’s so very true you’re definitely not alone!
Lisa, I feel much better.
Wow,total mirror all you’ve said ,only my MS had given me a repeat of UTI ‘s that took three courses of antibiotics , so my depression reaches an old time depth,and didn’t help when my MS nurse told me ,that I look ok ,I had make up on ,HONESTLY ? Because I have lipstick on and mascara I cannot be depressed ,wanted to slap her ,and my job at one time ,yep ,make up industry ,but thankfully can see the light at mo ,but will not see her again !
Liesa,Thanks for reading! your MS nurse was just trying to help the only way she could,
I can’t dwell on what was or could be. I just thank the good Lord when I wake up each morning!
Kim,
sounds like I could learn a lot from you!
I am happy you are better and taking one day at a time. Depression can cloak itself and we ourselves can’t see it. I struggle with it daily but when I changed my environment I can better manage it. Like today I found out the windchimes and the bird feeders give me smiles hearing the wonderful sounds. Your blog is inspirational. Remind yourself of all the good and help you are doing. Stay on the sunnyside of life my friend, no matter how you feel. Hugs and blessings.
Nancy, I’m looking forward to the sunny side of life!
I’ve been crying myself! Anything just about makes my cry!! Afterwards I pray and ask God to rid me of this depression. Our past life is just that, the past! Though I try not to harbor on it, just the memories send me in emotional overload! I’ve been trying to focus on my kids, which bring me laughter, joy and sometimes anger!! Lol
Kshanski, Seeing your name feels good. hang in there!
Thank god for medication. Even if we try to work with our own minds it sometimes really needs a push. Isn´t strange that we sometimes feel like there is no meening and some days later, it all feel much better, thanks to good medication. Love from Helen in Sweden
Helen, medication really makes the difference!
Nicole,
We are your online family and we do care about your well being . I pray for you when I am swimming . The idea of taking it one day at a time is crucial and necessary . It is important to block out the negativity and let the light of the kind ones in . Sometimes I close my eyes and daydream about life without ms .
Love this post, I think MS brings us all here.I say start blogging more, we would love to see more posts each week.You bring to life each and every segment of our journey!
Xoxo
Avril
Nicole, I too have MS. I also can no longer do many things and it is depressing. You MUST find beauty and happiness in something every day. Look for it in the smallest things. Look everywhere – under rocks or in someone’s eyes. If won’t find it by dwelling on your past life. Is there a place you can do chair yoga or swim? Do something physical every day, even the smallest things will be helpful. Do you juice? Those are things that make me feel good. I get depressed and cry and it makes me mean. I don’t like that about my new life but I can do other things – just need to be creative. Get some sketch paper and some pencils or water colors – do what you can do. You can write and thst is a gift. Go get em girl.
Sorry you’ve been having such a rough time. I guess we all go through those. I know I do. But I can’t get to a psychiatrist or a social worker to talk things out. Sometimes I wish I could. At least your hair looks nice!
OOOOOhhhhh, Nicole! Your post tonight reminded me of a time when I was crying at Bell telephone commercials, just about anything could set me bawling at that time, I’m 61 now, and the tears are in the past. My Mantra is “Life is GOOD! I’m still here!” Upon reflection, hormonal issues may have also contributed to some of my tears in those days. My husband is and has always been very supportive –wrangling my scooter and I through airports, crowds, even traffic in Rome, Italy. You have so much to offer the world, Nicole, and there is so much more to see and experience. Hang in there, as we used to say, long before your time. Cheers, Monica
Glad you’re feeling better. You a such a strong and uplifting person. Take Care and God Bless.