“…I talked about “butting heads,” and how me being in a state of easily-engaged contention was causing some of my energetic woes. MS is all about “againstness,” the immune system chewing on things it doesn’t need to chew on, the nervous system trying to reroute itself around the damage–there’s nothing that isn’t againstness in the whole process. The last thing I need to bring to the process is butting heads with {bathroom patrons }.”
From the Gift of MS http://giftsofms.blogspot.com/ by Robert Parker
I don’t write much about the mechanics of MS. I figure if you were interested in more you would leave a comment telling me so. Instead, I tell you how it affects me. In short, besides the wheelchair, I have serious bladder issues. In my household it is the boss of everything. And then it has the nerve to be contrary.
I will literally break my neck to get to the bathroom, sweating, and NOTHING COMES OUT! This is the damn immune system chewing up on stuff it has no business. Then in other cases it gives me less than adequate warning. If you get my drift!
I readily admit that the handicap bathroom stalls are nice and roomy. You can sit your bags down (If you let them touch the floor) or you can possibly leave them on the nice hook on the back of the door, which in most cases is nice and low so even your child can hang them up for you. Wait. Speaking of your child ….he can come in the stall too! Not only can you keep your eyes on him, but also he can hang your bags AND use the potty too! Now, you can’t get much better than that? Right?
WRONG! Only because someone in a wheelchair may be waiting right outside to get in the only stall they can. I don’t mean to sound crude. I just want to shed light on this because the concept is so often overlooked. I sympathize when the other stalls are taken. I don’t expect you to still avoid the handicap stall that would be too much to ask! I understand you don’t have to have a handicap license to use our stall. (That’s an idea though!}
I know too that everybody who is “handicap” doesn’t look a certain way. Remember, for years I lived ‘in the closet,” with MS. I don’t scrutinize the handicap parking spaces! I just want the public to be mindful of others. That includes a lot more than just those in wheelchairs! But that’s slightly off topic.
I have a prime example for you to ponder. I rolled into a mall restroom and someone, was just leaving the handicap stall. Well, as I sat there awaiting my take off, someone came in from the mall, walked besides me and went right into the now empty handicap stall! As if I wasn’t even there! Why didn’t I say something? I asked myself the same thing. When she came out and saw me sitting there her embarrassment was palpable. She apologized and I calmly took my turn.
I probably wouldn’t be so timid the next time as I have had several accidents! It seems the closer I get to the stall the worse the urge gets. I talk about acceptance all the time, I even wore Depends to that Mardi Gras parade earlier this month, but darn, I just can’t make myself do it on a daily basis.
Besides, that’s expensive!!!!
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The girl you just called fat? She’s been starving herself & has lost over 30lbs.
The boy you just called stupid? He has a learning disability & studies over 4hrs a night.
The girl you just called ugly? She spends hours putting make-up on hoping people will like her.
The boy you just tripped? He’s abused enough at home.
Every person has a story. Accept differences. Show kindness.
From Simply Susan at
http://heysus74.blogspot.com/
Donde esta el bano? ( I can’t do the correct punctuation. )
I was in a handicapped stall the other day (I am not, but there were only two, the other was occupied) and I noticed that whoever the genius was who put the thing together bolted the sanitary napkin dispenser and the only coat/purse hook up so high that I had to reach up when I was standing. Should I mention something to them? It’s a public library, so I would think they would want to be accessible to all!
Dani, I say yes, mention it!
This is one of my biggest pet peeves. It particularly slays me when other stalls are empty and the person occupying the handicapped stall is standing before the mirror and leisurely attending to makeup or something. I have been known then to announce my presence loudly and that I am urgently waiting to get in!
Just wondering if you have talked to your urologist about a Mitrofanoff. Basically you cath thru your bellybutton. No transfers to the toilet, no getting your pants off. If you’re desperate enough and have an empty bottle you can even go in the car!
Michelle, No I have never heard of that! I’m no longer cathing.
Hi Nicole, As Michelle pointed out, there are options. I self-cathed for years. It’s easy to learn and pretty easy to do. It’s worth a visit to a urologist to talk about what’s going on and see what help is available. (My least favorite situation is people who choose the handicap stall to change clothes. I understand the temptation… It is roomier, but some things can’t wait!)
Yes, I cath too. I just have to remember to do it before I go out. Nicole
Thank you for the comment on my blog. I started following your blog when Lisa at Brass and Ivory posted the link. Then I realized you were following Sherri and figured what the heck.
I only use the large handicapped stall if all others are full, no one else is in need of said stall, and I am gonna piss my pants! Then I hurry the heck out of there. I can not imagine cutting in front of someone that the stall was set aside for.
So far I have enjoyed your writing and candor.
Jan
You are so funny! Yes my girlfriend kindly professed just about the same thing to me! Wow. Lisa is a powerful woman! She’s like the Oprah of blogging around here!
I wrote this particular blog after a especially trying bathroom experience. I’m usually a nice lady, so to you and my very good friend I will give the benefit of the doubt. (smile)
Well, like I mentioned earlier I am going to sleep now. I’m not even sure how I’m typing now.
Glad you will afford me the benefit of doubt! Too many trips with wheelchair using friends later where someone was in the only accessible stall reinforced what I already knew. I was brought up respect your elders (although the older I get the harder it is to find elders :0 ) , offer assistance, etc.
what I do notice is how someone in a wheelchair or using a scooter somehow magically becomes invisible – sucks.
Yeah Lisa as got the power LOL now if we could only figure out how to make her as rich as Oprah.
Ching, you have no idea how much that means to me! Thanks so much Nicole
AMEN!!!
I just needed To vent. Nicole
One of the women in my Aqua Therapy class uses a catheter to empty her bladder before every class. I couldn’t do it, but she says it’s a blessing.
I take Flomax. The first time I picked up the prescription the pharmacist left a note asking to talk to me first. Clearly, it is rare for women. But it helps. Not a perfect option, but it helps.
Be more bold the next time someone ignores you like that. If someone lacks common decency, they deserve the public humiliation.
I’m a work in progress on that boldness!
After therapy today, everyone kept asking me, “What’s so funny?” I hope they don’t think I was laughing at them!
Nicole