I wonder how far I would have climbed in my career had I not limped through disability’s door? My goal here is to first be genuine, but at the same time share my true feelings. I hope to have you leave feeling lighter than when you came, because the reality we share can be so hard and heavy.
I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others, but it’s hard to resist. It’s so easy and tempting. I miss the life I had before. Despite this, I know there is a lesson to be learned, I just have to uncover it. I’ve tried my gratitude strategy, but this time it fell short on me. I’m still right where I started.
It never fails every time I find myself in this place I leave dragging my tail. It all started when I got the welcomed chance to visit with old college buddies. We are even planning to do it monthly. As we reminisced I found myself so short of where I envisioned myself to be at this point in my life. And it hurts.
Like my friends, my days are jam packed. Just not with climbing the corporate ladder. Instead I’m signing Medicare cards and writing endless medication lists for swarming doctors. But when I’m not comparing myself to others, I can appreciate that my life does revolve around my two favorite things, my family and writing. I also have the time to enjoy life because I’m not tied down to a 9 to 5. This is the upside of things. The healthier perspective for me to have.
In the meantime, I’ve found the lesson! It’s the same lesson we learned in high school. Don’t compare yourself to others. Their situations are probably worlds away from yours. Plus, if we insist on comparing ourselves, then we most likely resort to selling ourselves short! I was about to.
That’s the ultimate short sale.
Hi Nicole, that was a great way to sum up our new way of life. I have always found myself comparing my life to several cousins who were my age. They all went to college, got great jobs and then got married. Me on the other hand I got married and was a teen mother then later came ms diag. Now years later God rest her soul one cousin was murdered by her husband after completing 10 years of college, the other cousin got married had children and then reumatoid arthiritis happened to her. Her husband couldn’t deal with her illness and left her and their children. Not because of the bad things that happened to them but I can honestly look at my life and know that I am still blessed because my husband still remain by my side after dealing with ms for 10 years. I will be starting G on Monday. My lesson is everyone will run into road bumps and your blog has helped me see I am not alone in this struggle. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and allowing others to share their experiences.
Angela, yes it certainly sounds like you lived the lesson.
I still do it but I’m learning to catch myself the minute I start!
Thanks for reading!
Here’s what I wrote once about this very subject. It still reflects how I feel.
I have had to adjust my model for defining success, and it often now includes those tiny steps forward that occur after giant leaps backward. It even includes accepting that no steps forward, tiny or otherwise, may occur. The rules of the game got tossed, and I have had to find a path to serenity and integration which could even include that I might never reach such a goal
Judy, that was great and do real
It’s the essence of moving forward to me.
Nicole, Great post…we normally wouldn’t question our lost abilities, but MS has a way of making us gio hmmmmmm. Anywho, I haven’t read how you are doing with the Gilenya. I will be going on it within the month I hope, and I am curious as to what you think/feel.
Kim,
Isn’t that the truth!
You have spoken what many I believe many others have thought about. I know that many days I wondered the same things. You are not alone by any means. I appreciate your courage to write about these often troubling issues. Thank you and wish you all the best!
Chuck,
It’s easier because I’m doing it from the safety of my own home!
Thank you… I feel that way so often too. MS has curtailed my career progression and I do get depressed when I compare myself to my peers. But you helped me to remember my situation is different to I can’t compare myself.
Nat,
It took me a long time to figure that out!
Very good post. You are inspirational Nicole. When life hands you lemons you make lemonade. I never compare myself to others, seriously. Since young I was drumming a different drum. I still am. Keep up the writing.
Nancy,
Thanks. I admire that you don’t do that. Quite frankly I’ve been doing it all my life. Just getting the big picture now.
Funny thing is that you have ALWAYS been a GIANT in my eyes.
Daraka,
AND you in mine! Funny how we always miss the big picture until it slaps us right in the face. Thanks. Love ya.
I was blessed with a Mother who taught me that life is fluid, changing with each choice that is made. Starting with the first time I said no to her, it was the first decisions I made as a person. From that point on all she could do was to offer guidance and teach me I had choices. She admitted that as a child guilt was a tool she used to keep me from harm. As I because older and wiser. She informed me that feeling guilty was on me not her! Because only you can made you feel guilty! Using guilty with a child is a tool, but after becoming an adult it a weapon, that hurts both of us.
Nicole, You remind me of her, Thank you for all the good you do, to help all of us 🙂
Mary,
Thanks for the awesome compliment. Wow! Thanks a million.
Even though I don’t comment often (hard to do one-handed while my daughter’s asleep (like now) on the other, after all), I read and greatly enjoy each of your posts because, in my own way, I get what you’re talking about from my own personal experiences. I was just developing and getting used to who I was as an adult when the MS stripped so much from me. While it stripped my “professional, white-collar” life from me, it also allows me to devote all of my energies on family and my writing, and I find life as a SAHD more fulfilling by far than any 9-to-5 pencil-pushing job ever did.
Matthew, Thanks for reading and commenting! I’m so glad you can get something from these posts. That means a lot.
Great post! I think another important thing to remember is that no one’s life really turns out as they had predicted while they were graduating school. I don’t think anyone could foresee the health challenges, the relationships, or the work they would be faced with. You are blessed because you are connected to what truly matters most to you: family and writing. You are certainly talented at writing. My favorite line of this piece, “This is the upside of things. The healthier perspective for me to have.” Keep coming back to that Nicole…daily.
Thriving With MS
This life is all about perspective…isn’t it? 🙂
The short sale – great title for this post. Yes, we all compare ourselves to others. I believe that is the human condition. With or without a disability, I believe most people compare themselves in some way, whether it be about money, glamour, intelligence – well, the list goes on. So, of course, with MS we compare ourselves to our other self of how we used to be or how we should be without this diagnosis. Leave it to you, Nicole, to find the lesson in all of this! How delicious. Perfect timing for me – my birthday is next week and I know I would have started the comparison game. Now, with you in my corner – that won’t happen! Hugs…. Cathy
Cathy,
Thanks! I know you will have a great birthday. You already have the lesson on hand! A lesson it sounds like you already knew.
I enjoy reading your blog. I too am a writer and a woman living with MS. Thank you for making me understand that this too is ‘My New Normal’…I have completed my first novel and now I just need to find an editor and I am looking to self-publish..
Thank you for what you do…
Deborah,
Thank you for reading what I do!!! I’m flattered.
Nicole,
Your words are truly inspiring!! The past couple days for me have been really hard because the one thing I’ve always wanted to do I can’t! I’ve wanted to join the military for as long as I could remember and I was ready to and this happened. Then Saturday I went to go get a tattoo and the artist said I needed a doctors clearance! Now I have 9 already so I thought nothing of it!! Yesterday my dr. Said no and it hurt Bc I’m comparing myself to my friends and my old self!
Nicole
We need daily reminders sometime just to hold on to our sanity! Thank so much for reading and sorry about the military too!
It took MS for me to realize I sell myself short all too often. Thank you for reminding me. Another new normal?
Jean,
I guess it took MS for me to see I was selling my self short too! Although most likely that started way before MS. I’ve got to be fair, I’ve always had a questionable self esteem. But not any more, right?
SO DO I LADY, SO DO I………
It’s gotta be hard for you because of where you live! Thanks for reading! It’s always so nice to have repeat visitors!
Thank you for starting my day with me.
You’re welcome!!!!! 🙂
Even without MS or any other disease it is my opinion that it is human nature to compare ourselves to our peers. Obviously this may be more devastating for some. I am not real sure how to put into words what I am thinking and feeling after reading this but I am going to try. In 2009 I was diagnosed. I have, so far, been fortunate enough that my symptoms have been minimal. They are more of a nusance than anything else. I hate the idea of medications, doctors, needles and pretty much e erything that comes with having MS. Since discovering YOUR blog a month or so ago I have opened my eyes to the fact that I have been in denial, that I am being selfish and very childish. I have since reading YOUR blogs taken steps to start seeing a neuro again, have started researching, and have disclosed my MS to my friends! You have taught me through your writings to be thankful. You do not sugar coat anything and I love that. You are an inspiration. In my opinion that makes you more successful than any corporate big wig, you made a huge difference in my life and I am sure in every one else who else reads your blog and for that I thank you! I have formed a team with the support of my awesome friends to walk on May 6th in Walk MS and my walk will be dedicated to you. Best regards, Brandy (wife and mother to five)
Brandy, I can barely express how proud I am of you. I takes courage to do those thing, those life changing things that will without a doubt aide moving forward! Congratulations and thank you so much for reading. I wish you the best and please know that this disease is different for everyone that has it. As I’m sure you are already aware of!
I am feeling exactly like you sometimes.So thank you for the short sale. I made a PhD which is useless now…all my co-workers belong to a world i don’t belong to anymore.
But sometimes i just think we don’t have to follow the same road, that’s all, i have a new road to ride. It is my challenge and it is a very hard challenge as important as a career and my be with more sense than a career (?). And like you i think it is a chance because, i think with the other road i would have missed the things which are really important. I see so many people worrying about superficial things… I am also feeling much stronger than all those who are running after money and career. And if i compare myself to others i am saying to myself that i have to compare the “global” life’ not only the carreer or the family. Do I want their entire life ? The answer is no.
What is the life’s aim ? That ‘s the question behind all this. And everyone has his own answer ? What you are doing as a writer is very important, you made your mark and you are helping others (living even far away from your country !!). You create your own place. Thank you because you put the right words to explain what we are feeling.
Valentine (from Paris, France !)
Valentine, Wow, all the way in France! I’m so honored! Yes, I agree more compare than I think and I know more compare the superficial things, because like I said I’m guilty of this at times too.But in the end when things are calm, I can see and think clearly. Makes sense?