“I do that because it releases the power that your life circumstances have over you. When things don’t go your way, you don’t become paralyzed by negative emotions such as anger, fear, resentment, or regret.” -Cloris KyleIie Stock
To cry over spilled milk is to remain upset about a past loss or dwell pointlessly on past misfortunes. When milk has been spilled, it is gone and cannot be used. I have to remind myself that there is no reason to keep complaining because, just like the spilled milk, my life may never go back to the way it use to be.
For that reason, I’ve decided to move forward and stick with my new routine and drug regimen. It seems to fit me. But in order to reach that comfort level I had to let go of things I used to do. Release the responsibilities I used to fulfill, so I could usher in the person I want to become. Granted, it has taken me years to get here. I think the force that changed me was gratitude.
Instead of concentrating on the struggles, I’ve become vested in overcoming the struggles. When I lost the ability to type I got dictation software. Slowly, I’m coming to terms with this latest new normal. I’m learning to set realistic goals. Something I rarely do. I’ve fallen many times because of lofty intentions that poorly reflect my reality.
Acceptance for me is like a revolving door. I have to enter it again and again. It’s not about what I used to do before multiple sclerosis; it’s about what I do now despite it.
Since being on Tecfidera, I’ve been nothing but sicker. While my neuro keeps saying “oh its just MS learn to deal with it….you need a cane for your falls now….your eyes are mess up from the Optic Neuritis you’ve had leaving a blind spot….” well I REFUSE to accept any of these things that were NOT true prior to this med! After 7 almost 8 years of ups and downs of MS I am so very very aware of the craziness each day can bring. I also know a relapse when I have one and I know when a med is working also. Its been 4 months on this med and I promised 6 before I quit since she and the drug provdier’s nurse insist that contrary to what information was initially given to me it may tkae not 3mths but 6 for this drug to even work. So in the meantime, its okay for me to go down hill from where I was, unable to even reach my Dr 99% of the time just so long as I take these pills. Maybe I AM crying over spilled milk–funny/irony is mu hubby sees the same issues with me except I can’t bear to tell him not only am I falling like he sees but I’m having what I think of as major bladder issues ONLY since starting this med. I actually FEEL sicker now. So spilled milk or not…I roll with things as it comes & I’m grateful I still walk even if I fall a bit-joke is difference between ME & NFL Players are is that. We both may get the hits causing concussions/trauma but they get the BIG $$$$! Would be bit more grateful if I got big paycheck each day hit MY head & other limbs too! 😉
Fatima, I do apologize if I offended you in any way. I too have experienced a steady decline while on the same medicine. I just try to stay focused on things I can do more than the abilities I’ve lost. In that way I accept my new normal. Oh it never comes smoothly. When I lost the ability to type. I cried then eventually reluctantly bought dictation software and started a new medication.So acceptance for me is not passive at all.
I admire your strength and courage to keep fighting and not give up. I have referred to my MS as like opening a surprise package each morning as you don’t know whats inside until you open it and attempt to start your day. Take care and thank you for continuing inspiration. p.s. I sure heard the crying over spilled milk many times as a child.
Pam, Thanks. Also, that’s one surprise that I’m never ready for. Ironically, I just learned about the spilled milk story recently.
.You are amazing. I always read your blog for inspiration. It’s funny because my blog is actually called Just Drinking Spilled Milk. This spoke to my spirit! MS has changed my life in a lot of ways along with RA and Scleroderma. Thank you so much Nicole! I let my 14 year old read your updates sometimes just so my kids can have another view on what life with MS is like, Blessings always!!!!
Valerie, That’s so neat! My husband just explained the concept of spilled milk to me!
As always very well expressed! Hopefully all of us will finally reach that place where we can overcome obstacles and forget about spilled milk. Moving forward and learning to let go is challenging to say the least… but the exhilaration of getting to that point is just priceless!
ellajean, you’re so right
So happy to read that you are moving forward with gratitude. Accepting MS as a teacher (as unwelcome as it may be!) has been a tremendous lesson for me – it feels like I am growing in spite of myself. I wish the same for you!
Linda, well said. I will reach for the same.
Hi Nicole,
Thanks for the post and letting go is not easy. I’m not sure if it’s fear of the unknown because nobody has told us what the “new MS version” of us is supposed to look like, or act like, or it’s just challenging us to find a new comfort zone. Whatever it is there is no question it is going to be different and in some cases, different is not that great and others it’s much better. Whatever the case the healthy thing seems to embrace our new normal and enjoy the life we have left! Have a great week and be praying for my training to run my 1st 1/2 marathon on 1/26/14. So far so good.
Your friend,
Tim
Tim, I never thought of this the MS version of myself. I like that.
Keep your training up!
Thank you for this Nicole! It is such a great reminder that this life is now about what I have, not what I used to have. You have once again put my feeling and thoughts into your words so nicely. This will help me to explain things to my husband where I lose my words in trying to explain why I try to do something, even when I know it may not be a good idea. MS has certainly opened my eyes from where they were so shaded before.
Laurie, It’s hard to see the truth even if it’s staring me right in the face!
Nicole,
What a well expressed post!
Thankyou
Angel, Thanks for reading.
Nicole, I just cannot let things with MS just go and be accepted. As I have told you before, I am in secondary progression and that is why I joined the MS study with Dr. Damadian and Dr. Rosa. I did get my eyesight back and feeling in my fingertips and abdomen which had been numb for many years. This spring I started to feel the urgency to urinate which I hadn’t felt for over a dozen years. And I know it’s not a big deal but as of February, I can form a whistle…something I could not do since 1988! Now, I still cannot whistle a tune, but I never could. I have been communicating with a Dr. Broeska, a researcher working with stem cells. He has a study which combines CCSVI and stem cell injections which are made from adult stem cells taken from your own body and is getting incredible results. I am so optimistic.
I hear you, I hate when i have to get to get another level of dealing with my MS.
As hard i as fight it just becomes inevitable and sometimes that sucks.
Thank you again for a great post that i too can relate to.
Liza, Yes it sucks. I can’t pretty that up!