“What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow: Our life is the creation of our mind.”- Buddha
I really like going to physical therapy in the pool. I can do things in the pool that I can’t normally do…like walk. Besides that, its nice being amongst people who really understand. People who sincerely want to hear the answer to, “How have you been?” They don’t tend to regret asking me the question!
I’ve been thinking about writing this post for a while now, but I just didn’t know if I could do it justice. At therapy I met a handsome young fella who obviously shares multiple sclerosis with me. I often consult other MSers to see how they cope with the drastic changes M.S. thrusts on us. I listen with an open mind. Take what I like and leave the rest. As I’m sure you do as well. I must admit though, I wasn’t ready for his answer. When asked how he copes, with a subtle air of confidence he replied, “MS is the best thing that could have happened to me.”
What?
That rocked me. “Why,” I said. Again he calmly responded with,” It slowed me down.”
Things were much clearer now.
I still didn’t know the context behind his answer, but had a good idea. It sounded like he was leading the kind of fast life that M.S. provided an exit out of. Almost as if he was grateful for it?????
Did it do the same for me?
Of course it did. I just haven’t looked at it that way before. When I was working I was also living in Maryland/DC. Miles away from where I really wanted to be, Louisiana. My career was excellent and the money was great but my profession wasn’t my passion. I spent more time at work than with family and friends. Plus, the cold Northwest temperatures were nearly frightening to this girl from the deep south! I remember calling my supervisor and naively asking questions about driving in the snow! But I do appreciate the doors it did open for my family. I did get to experience an entirely different culture. I was able to live life in “a blue state.” I was able to experience four seasons. Not just hot and hotter here in Louisiana. An author friend of mine, Eric Pete, once compared living in Louisiana to living under someones armpit! The humidity here is atrocious!
So, I’m discovering an entirely new world. Granted I was forced to, but like my friend said, it just may be the best thing that ever happened to me…Well maybe not. That’s a bit much. What I know for sure is that I have the power alter my outlook. I can look for a perspective that enhances me because I have M.S., not in spite of it.
It’s because of M.S. that I write. My passion. It’s because of M.S. that I am surrounded by family here in Louisiana.
And that may be the best thing that ever happenned to me.
My family and I had a nice life before MS. Today, our kids are both away at school and my husband and I were going to reap the rewards of our labor. We looked forward to traveling, having dinner out with friends, stealing away for weekends away, getting rid of minivans and sedans and replacing them with “cool cars”. ha
Now we need a van to transport a scooter, have to make sure anywhere we go is accessible, dinner means choosing things that can be eaten without a knife unless I want my husband to cut my food, and travel?? ha.
I’ve always appreciated what I have and never had to slow down to smell the roses. And now?? I resent what this disease has taken from me and my family. I put on a good face, but I’m angry as hell.
Mimi,
It’s my constant struggle. I just can’t allow MS to get the last word.
Nicole
Great post, Nicole. I agree that saying MS is the best thing to ever happen to you is a major stretch, but some of the discoveries we make about our ourselves and some of the experiences and opportunities it somehow leads us to may very well be the best thing. As Judy so eloquently puts it, we can still hate the disease while we notice the gifts it brings and find gratitude therein.
Kayla, I agree with you. I may need to print a follow up post on this one. I think my point was lost in translation! I need to check my writing skills!
Nicole
Nicole,
No, I don’t think your point was misunderstood. I was commenting more on this guy’s comment, and basically agreeing with your reaction to it that MS=bad, but we can (and should, I think) find and appreciate the good that comes along for the ride.
Kayla
Kayla, Oh I feel so much better now That is exactly the moral of the story.!
Nicole
I’m with Judy’s poem. I hate the disease. It has taken away so many good things – but it has changed my focus on what is important and made me so much more aware of ‘now’ – to live in, and enjoy the moment. As many people have said, “life is what happens while you’re busy making plans”. The best thing that ever happened to me? I doubt it. But I am determined for it not to be the worst thing.
Ian, I believe my point got lost in translation. MS is funky stuff. Thanks for stopping by though!
Nicole
Well MS is not the best thing that ever happened to me. It has taken away many of the things I was good at and enjoyed. Friends have left – guess I am not as entertaining as I used to be. My partner has to pick up the slack, my dogs do not understand why we no longer go on hikes, well the list goes on.
Sometimes I get angry most of the time I just deal. No point in wallowing in sorrow.
I find other things to do and enjoy.
Jan
Jan, i certainly understand. It has taken loads from me as well!The people who have left is probably one of the most shocking. Well not being able to drive is pretty high up there too.
Nicole
Nicole,
MS can be a tough pill to swallow, but with some extra water it will go down.
While MS has closed some doors–it has opened others. Our job (as one with MS) is to find that newly opened door!
Fifteen years later after my dx, I still rant & bitch & cuss about my MS—but that time is dwindling as I have accepted it and realized I must move on.
I’m not going to congratulate you…I’ll just give you a reassuring nod to say “Well done-now let’s move forward.”
My Odd Sock, yes it is. And the doors! Oh the doors.
Nicole
As I said in one of my poems:
I can be grateful
for gifts this challenge gave me
and still hate MS.
Judy
Judy, I should have closed with that poem!
Nicole
I do not have MS, but my mother has had it my whole life. We have all gone through the stages of grieving related to her having the disease, especially through relapses and progressions. It has been the most emotionally challenging experience of my life to watch my mom experience the physical pain and challenges associated with MS. It has been far from the best ‘thing’ in her life or mine. Her experience has greatly sculpted my perspective and values, though. I have lived a very health conscious life and chosen to help others affected by similar conditions as a Physical Therapist and a Yoga Therapist. I have a much greater sense of empathy and compassion for all things human, not just disability. I have learned patience and the power of family and friend support. I can honestly say that I am a more humble, grateful, and healthier person because of the impact MS has imprinted on my life.
Nicole, I am grateful that you share your thoughts with us. The path to peace is one that we can all walk together.
Thanks for your comment. Your mother has a wonderful child!
I would love to walk this with you. Your comment is sincere and heartfelt. In the words of another blogger ,Judy, I can be grateful for the gifts it has given me and still hate the disease. Nicole
Hi Nicole,
Thank you for your willingness to share your story. It is an eye opener and helps one to appreciate life more.
Be Blessed
Willie, Honestly, It wasn’t that easy to share. Sounds like you may have gotten something out of it and that makes me smile. 🙂
First of all, Buddha=the way. As a bad Buddhist myself(nuances, and all), his teachings have long helped me to accept what MS has/will done/do to me.
Secondly, this type of mindset I was very much forced to take early on in my “adventure.” My first (diagnosing) relapse left me deaf in one ear for a few weeks. For most people this wouldn’t be a problem, but I was already mostly deaf in my other ear (either an 80% loss, or 80 decibels) from childhood ear infections.
My second relapse was about a year later and left me hospitalized for a few days as I relearned such frivolities as walking, using my hands (I had the fine motor skills of a 4-year-old), and being able generally function. I learned very quickly that I could either accept these changes, work with them to the best of my ability, rehab what I could, and live…or I could fight it and lose what life I had because of stubbornness.
Before all of this, I was like you and one of those people who always put work first (in Baltimore, funny enough). I was actually doing some freelance work for my old company during the start of my second relapse, and was constantly berating myself for my lack of mobility, needing to take so many breaks, and a bunch of similar things.
Then my contract ended, I went home, and didn’t leave until my hospitalization.
Fast forward a year and a half later, when my wife and I got the news she was pregnant.
Now, I have a healthy almost-eight-month baby girl, and I thank the MS for making me appreciate every minute I have with her (and my hospitalization for it leading me to being approved for disability in less than a month of application), because I very easily could not be having them. I also make sure to go out every Saturday to have a beer, get my wife and I some dinner, and generally be social.
I’m rambling, so I’ll cut this short. I think I lost my main point anyway, so I’ll summarize:
MS has done some terrible things to my physical health, but has done some wonderful things for my mental health, and it’s all due to my worldview which has been heavily influenced by Buddhism.
I have heard a few others with MS express the same sentiment. Personally, MS is not the best thing that ever happened to me. I guess I was one of the lucky ones…I had a great life before MS. A full, meaningful, enjoyable life, where I had a job I loved, activities that I participated in whole heartedly, a close and loving family around me, and great hope and plans for the future.
Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy my life, but MS has taken a lot of things away from me. I have slowed down…but that was something I didn’t need or want.
It’s important to be able to adjust to the new life MS has provided, but I will never agree that MS is the best thing that ever happened to anyone!
Karen
Thanks for your comment. MS is horrible. I would hate to assert anything differently. It has ransacked life as a formerly knew it.
And I’m mad. I meant the move back to the south and being surrounded by family are the best things that could have happened to me. Two things that were the result of MS. It’s really just a play on words. I guess what matters is how your live your life.
Again, thanks so much for taking the time to share your thoughts. I may go back and clarify that in the post. 🙂
Nicole
This was similar to the point I lost in my comment.
I’m mad for the loss of function. I’m mad my life was literally ripped away from me over night… but if it wasn’t for the MS, I wouldn’t be back in Michigan surrounded by family and those that mean everything to me,
Heck, I might not have even had a kid without having come back. We’d been trying for a couple of years back in Baltimore, and within a month of moving back…well, you can guess.
Matthew Cherry,
I totally agree with your point and appreciate a good rambling anytime!
Nicole
Congratulations Nicole – It is truly an amazing realization that this “detour” of MS has enabled you to see more of your life and hopefully do more with it. True, this is not something that I would have opted for on my own, but it has certainly given me so much to be grateful for along the way that I never would have noticed or acknowledged. So often it is how we view our circumstances that determines the impact that they have on us (or on those we care about)
Linda,
Thanks. It’s a lesson I relearn daily.
Nicole
There’s this weird thing I think about sometimes. When I look at my life from the outside, I realize to experience having multiple sclerosis is a real experience in humanity. If there’s something outside of this life, I will look back and be thankful to know what it’s like to experience these horrors. I will be thankful for what I have. I can already see that I am stronger than my non-MS peers, they often can’t even find the strength to talk to me.
I’m not thankful that I have MS by any means, but I admit that this experience might give me some valuable perspective in the future.
Matt,
That’s my point exactly. I’m not thankful for that I have it, but …you know.
Nicole