“I’ve always believed that you can think positive just as well as you can think negative.” ~ James Baldwin
Where I’m from we parade. We parade when we’re happy. We parade when we’re sad. We parade for no reason. But now, all that parading has stopped.
It seems the whole world has slowed down to my pace. All the go, go, go. Has gone, gone, gone.
I’m currently sitting in my car. Positioned in a grocery store parking lot. Waiting for my husband to return with our weekly haul of food and provisions.
All my friends are at home. Watching reruns of bad sitcoms. Trying to entertain their kids. And checking their bank account balance every day.
The last time I came to this store we had to wait an extra 15 minutes before we could leave. There was a second line parade in the street blocking traffic. So, we got out of the car and joined the parade.
But not today. The road is empty. The parking lot is quiet. All I hear is the car radio playing the news. The talking heads are telling me I’m expendable. Herd immunity will eliminate people like me. Disinfectant, disposable mask and gloves are my only defense.
They say we are in a war. But I’m not a soldier. I don’t want to fight. Clearly already struggling, I can’t battle anything else. I’m currently fighting for my sanity. For my independence. For some normalcy.
Therefore, I pretty much stay at home. I only sneak out to the grocery store. The whole time, hoping I don’t bring Covid-19 back home with the eggs.
I’m so paranoid. Everyone I see appears to be the enemy. An unattended child touching the fruit. A random sneeze from a person walking by me. An uncovered cough from the cashier. They look like unmasked monsters ready to attack.
I was so anxious; I no longer go into the store. I wait in the car while my partner takes my grocery list and does the heavy lifting.
And even though my fear is real. I’m just so happy to be out. Out of the house.
I can see my husband exiting the store. I watch him pack the car with full shopping bags. When finished, he removes his gloves and mask then jumps in the front seat.
He tells me he got the whole list.
As he drives to the main road, I jokingly asked him, “Do you see any parades coming down the street?”
He smiles and says, “No parades today. But I promise, we will parade again.”
I so admire you and your completely honest and brave words. I, too, live with this stupid ms and have stayed at home for many years. My joy is my sweet, uncomplaining, superhero husband! Since and long before COVID-19, he has virtually taken over everything in our home. He waits in lines at the grocery stores, buys me scratch tickets, that I rarely win, carries the groceries into the house, unpacks and puts away the food. Then later, he cooks us supper! He’s washing the dishes, the laundry, you name it, he does it. I’m so grateful for his comfort and love, I haven’t the words to describe how I feel. ❤️
I have waited for your next story – and in your usual style….I am blown away! Your words speak directly to my heart. Thank you for giving voice to the many feelings I am experiencing. Bravo Brave Warrior
You nailed it when you said, “All I hear is the car radio playing the news. The talking heads are telling me I’m expendable. Herd immunity will eliminate people like me.”
That is exactly how I feel, too.
Exceptional my friend, as always. But this post touched me even more I think. You keyed into feelings many of us are facing but with your own beautiful perspective. Sending you virtual hugs and healing well wishes filled with strength.
Strength in extremely challenging times. Power to you, and we’ll get through this.