I recently finished my National Multiple Sclerosis blog entry. It will be available shortly. In the piece I encourage engagement among the land of the walking “well” even if it meant using assistive devices.
Just as I finished typing the last word of the entry a delivery from Medicare arrived! It was a scooter! Keep in mind, I was well aware of its impending arrival. In fact, I already own a bigger more robust power chair I used when my core strength was questionable at best. But, when I saw this scooter, my heart crumbled just a little bit. My first response was to resist it, because it seemed to mean I had given up on walking again. But, I hadn’t. It represented a conflict of interest for me.
I so want to walk again. I haven’t given up on it’s possibility. Is that denial, hope, or faith? I don’t know. I do know it hurts to even slightly give in to the concept of never walking again. My word, I’m only 36 years old! It’s been years since I have been able to walk unassisted, but it never gets any easier to accept. I mean I still mourn walking and I don’t think there is a statue of limitations where this is concerned. At the same time, I know things could be so much worst. Plus, I fear coming across as a hypocrite.
So, I was slowly able to turn things around by being grateful for what I can do. I remember when I didn’t even have enough strength to competently use a scooter! You would think I would see this as an improvement! NOPE, well not at first. But after recalling memories of my last exacerbation, I was able to usher in new found perspective. As corny as it may sound, though society deems me disabled this scooter will enable me! I once again can navigate amongst the land of the walking well! I can regain an inkling of my coveted independence! I can tackle those long aisles at Wal-Mart without having to wait 30 minutes for a free cart! I can go to the mall without Tom, my dear husband and caregiver. I will not have to be pushed everywhere in a wheelchair! That being said is reason enough to celebrate!
I plan to continue physical therapy, water aerobics, frequent our local gym, and use my walker inside the house. I plan to continue moving forward…just a little faster sometimes!
Once I was able to get my bearings and view this as a thruway to normalcy, I eagerly named my new scooter Thelma. Yes, from Thelma and Louise!