I fell into panic mode shortly after I went to see my mental therapist. If, you remember, she mentioned my passionate quest for independence (AKA hand controls) was possibly a manifestation of denial of MS. In other words, after 11 years, I still hadn’t accepted Multiple Sclerosis. Wow, what a blow!
I was so taken aback because the entire premise of this site is based on acceptance. In fact, through this blog I have gained a considerable amount of support and reinforcement. Her question rocked my foundation. I felt as if it was comparable to calling me a fake or phony. I was on shaky ground.
One week flew by. I went back to see the therapist. (I have a standing weekly appointment.) I asked her to expound on the nature of my questionable acceptance. It seemed as if she put a spotlight on me and echoed, “Acceptance comes in layers.” I choose to compare it to a hot buttery Flaky Grands biscuit! You can easily peel the layers off. Usually the outer most comes off pretty quick an easy. The others require a tad bit more fine finger work, detail and precision.
This seemed to me a good enough analogy. I think she said I’ve conquered some layers, but maybe the innermost I’m still pulling back. Does that make sense? I haven’t cleared this analogy. But for now it soothes me. I can receive that perhaps I haven’t accepted MS in its totality. Maybe a non-handicap person using “my” bathroom stall doesn’t require getting the mall police involved! I admit that I may have blown the driving thing out of proportion. To be honest, it does bother me that nearly all of my friends and family think driving may not be a good idea right now.
I mean driving is a huge feat. On some level I think it’s going to rewind my life to “normal.” Am I setting myself up for a huge let down? Possibly, I need to do a bit more physical AND mental therapy before attempting to get behind the wheel!
Oh well, maybe I’ll go eat a darn biscuit! I’m hungry now!