I feel as if I’m writing today with a imaginary gun pointed at my head. Ironically, I say that because I’ve finally reached a point in my life where things are okay. Well, I’m embracing my limitations.
So, with that being said I did’t feel I had anything to share. I’m happy. Who wants to hear about that??? It’s sad, but my most popular posts are never the upbeat ones! My husband on the other hand really wants me to keep writing. In fact he is acting as if it is detrimental to my continued well-being and also this marriage! How about that? He says I don’t do well without having something constructive to contribute to.
Now, in the past this may have been true. But I refuse to admit this to him.
Meanwhile, I have finally started reading a book another blogger at Diva on Detour recommended to me some time ago. It is called “You Are Not Your Illness”.
It took me so long to open it up because deep down I really did believe I was my illness. I had trouble seeing it any other way. But I love some of the lessons I’m gaining from this book. One of the very first things I read is that God has chosen me for this journey. I never thought about it like that. It was always, “Why me?” But to hear that I was chosen seemed to shift responsibility back to me. Meaning, I can do the best that I can with this and possibly even help others out there in similar situations.
It’s funny that I would say that, because that’s exactly what I’m doing here. I’m just tired that’s all. Just tired.
Sometimes I wonder what purpose my writing serves. Am I wasting my time? It doesn’t matter nor make a difference. But then I get a comment from someone…how I make them laugh or make them forget for one minute that they have MS or some other creepin crud. And you realize it IS worth it. It’s worth it for them..and it is worth it for me. (Maybe more so for me & my mental state!)
Keep working. Keep inspiring.
Sock, Well said my friend well said.
Nicole,
Your post is inspiring. I was diagnosed on May 29, 2012. After the initial shock wore off I began to fight back. I lean heavily on my faith in God and my belief that I can and will do whatever I put my mind to with His help. I started writing after my diagnosis and have now started a blog. I received the book ” You are not your illness” a few months ago at a low time and it brought me out of my funk.
Peace & Blessings,
Marcia
Marcia, I can’t believe You are already blogging! Good for you. Thanks for reading.
Nicole, I’ve always written my thoughts but after I was diagnosed it was different. I was angry, depressed, and dumb founded. I needed an outlet but couldn’t put my words together, so after I went on a retreat with the Women ministry at my church I started writing again and I haven’t stopped, so I started blogging.
Thanks
Marcia
This is a lovely post.
Do keep writing! It helps you and us!
Writing helps me immensely.. I never thought it could or would.
And I can talk a out fatigue that MS gives me but its different from tired. And yes I’m tired too
Good wishes
Christine.
Christine, Thanks for your encouraging words. Yes writing does help. Thanks again for reading!
I need to do something constructive every day so I can reprove myself that I am still valuable and can contribute to the World I. A positive way
I love your Blogs, so very inspiring 🙂
Jennifer, I feel the same way, but I’m working on that.
“…I don’t do well without having something constructive to contribute to.” Yep, that’s me. I didn’t know it until recently, when I lost my job. For me, blogging has been a big help, although I’m still a newcomer to the blogosphere (but check out my proficiency with the lingo!). Isn’t it funny how tiring *not* doing something can be?
Love your blog!
Ms. CrankyPants
Susan, I think it’s human nature or something to want to do do do….
Anytime girl!!! You’re very welcome!
I know the feelings of tired. I hope to someday come to the point of accepting them.
As an aside, check out the Art of Racing in the Rain if you need a book on accepting limitations. It’s about a dog accepting all the things he can and can’t do or communicate. Then it’s a dog accepting death. I thought it was a neat book from the standpoint of accepting what he just couldn’t do but being overjoyed at the simple pleasures left.
well lived, Yes I’m tired, but this one I can’t blame on MS. Thanks for the heads up on the book.
I hear ya. I have a gazillion projects that lay unfinished (including my own blog) and it kills me. The new year has given me new perspective, though. Before my diagnosis, I would stretch myself so thin and try to cram everything in at once. Saying no was difficult, because I wanted to do it all. I’m starting to see my MS as my body sending me on “time out”, even if it was against my will at first. It’s forced me to stop and smell the roses, instead of merely photographing them. 🙂
Jenn, I know what you mean. Boy, do I know what you mean! Thanks for reading.
Lovely comment, brings to mind my favourite quotes “you were given this life not as punishment, but because you are strong enough to live it” and “many people will tell you that you cannot, what you’ve got to do is turn and say ‘watch me'”
Hope these help you as much as they do for me.
Tony, yes they did!
Was speaking to my physical therapist today about fatigue. I told him “I know what it’s like to feel physically exhausted. I know what it’s like to push my body beyond what I thought possible, let myself rest, then recover. MS is not only a world away from that, it is a different universe!”
I know your “tired” Nicole. And I know how badly it sucks that there simply is no way for someone without MS to understand when we say “I’m tired”.
Thanks for your posts,I look forward to them each week. Heidi
Heidi, Thanks for reading. I can’t blame this though on MS fatigue.
Nicole, I love reading your posts every Tuesday! As a matter-of-fact, I look forward to receiving them! Thanks for sharing. Your writing this blog does matter! I may not have MS like you, but having had an AVM and trying to get my life back together means everything. Thanks for giving me something to hold onto regardless of the kind of day I’ve had!
Renecia, Thanks so much. Didn’t realize how much I needed that.
Hello,
I am 26 and was just diagnosed with MS. I have been struggling for the last month trying to figure out what I have done to deserve this. I’ve been thinking I am a wife, a mother of 3 and I have always gone out of my way to do what is right. Just reading this last most had given me hope. I never thought of my situation as something I was chosen to do. I only ever thought of it “happening” to me. I will pick this book up the moment I am off of work. Thank you!
LaShae, Good for you. Sounds like you are headed in the right direction.
Hi Nicole, I go back and forth–sometimes I embrace my limitations (usually after a visit to my talk therapist). OTHer times I am in one of those “kick a**” moods. I down some Energy Fuel or Ritalin (generic from my doc) if I cannot move my legs to exercise. I have 10-12 hours of Wakefulness in my day & want to get Something Done-!
Deb, Yes! You got it. By the way I only have limited hours of wakefulness too!
Nicole, that was great! I also am with you that I finally am where I have accepted my limitations. I don’t like it, but, it’s the hand I’ve been dealt & it’s time to put my bg girl bpanties on & move on! There is no longer any point in fretting abt how things were & dispupting everyone else’s live’s just because I want a pity party! I have a new grandson (well he’s 15 months old) & I don’t want him to remember me as that pityful, depressed grand mom! I’m with you abt the being tired (physically & mentally)……I can’t wait for 6PM to come so I can put my jammies on! I wish there was a magic pill to give me that burst of energy I crave! Then I could do donuts in here! Have a great day & DON’T give up your blog; there are too many of us out here that really look forward & enjoy your posts! Kim M
Kim, Thanks. Sounds like you may have left your party. Good for you!
I am so happy that you have picked up the book! And that it is helpful to you. I hope that you continue to enjoy it. Great post today — your husband is right, please keep writing — even when you don’t feel like it — it is just the deviish functions conspiring against you to prevent you from accomplishing your mission of sharing your experience. Happy to read that things are going well. Enjoy!
Linda, Thanks again for opening my eyes to the book. I’m still in the beginning and du have questions, but I’m looking forward to moving on.
Lovely post today. “Just tired” resonates with me in so many ways. The way you describe your feelings, which parallel my own, helps me realize it is OK to be just tired. 🙂
Marie, Thanks. I’m glad you took the time to read and connect with me.
Hi there!
Nice post! I love that phrase- ’embracing my limitations’. I don’t think I am quite there yet, but it neatly sums up the state I need to reach at some point.
It’s all about adapting, isn’t it. I just didn’t guess I would be needing to do this in my 30’s, but life is never as we plan it!
Best wishes,
Stumblinginflats
Stumblinginflats, Thanks for reading. Ahhh embracing my limitations is an on going process!