“Just when you think it can’t get any worse, it can. And just when you think it can’t get any better, it can.” ~ Nicholas Sparks
Everyday it seems MS puts me to the test then waits to see how fast I fall apart. This morning I woke up to both of my hands not working. I could not control them. I tried to make a fist and nothing happened. The only movements were some feathery sporadic involuntary twitches. No matter how hard I tried, I could not manipulate them to move. My hands felt like they were paralyzed.
It just seems so unfair. Just as I am beginning to accept my walking and energy limitations, my hands are starting to fail me. I was so frightened. My heart jumps around every time MS tries to work its black magic.
I felt like crying but didn’t because I realized, how in the hell do I wipe my face if my hands are immobile. So I stayed calm and waited. After about ten minutes, the dexterity in my hands returned and I was able to start my day.
Lately, whenever these types of events occur, I have decided to reclaim the moment by quietly bowing my head, clearing my mind and thinking positive thoughts. The days when MS is trying to control every part of my body and I have lost all hope, I close my eyes and fall into my dreams.
My dilemmas have never been solved by my newfound exploits but they do provide me with moments of clarity that allow me a chance to decide the best move to help ease the situation.
These moments have also helped me remember my adage. You have to fight your fears, contest your nightmares with love and faith, and live in the moment.