After my husband paid the bill, the receptionist slowly ushered him to the side and whispered, “It’s getting hard for us to pick her up. We need you to stay if she comes back.”
If?
I have talked about going to the hair salon a couple of times. I consider it one of my few real treats. The problem is, lately the hairdressers have to help me out a whole lot. I need help getting in and out of the chairs for washing. And drying my hair is the worst part. I am already weak and once I get under the hair dryer it zaps all of my remaining energy right out of me.
But nothing compared to what happened during my last visit. I asked the hairdresser to stop so I could use the restroom. I probably needed someone to close the door, help me pull my clothes down and physically get me to the toilet.
But I didn’t say anything. Nothing.
I just rolled to the restroom alone. Was it my pride or did I really think I could do it myself? I’m not sure. But as the urgency to micturate increased, I began to panic. Once I entered the restroom, I realized I should have asked for help. Then before I could make it to the toilet, I fell on the floor and urine spilled from me. It was all over the restroom floor then migrated into the hairdresser area.
I was so embarrassed!
Two women from the salon had to come into the restroom and help me.
After that incident, I really understand their reservations about having me as a customer. I can be a handful. And I must give it to them; they went above and beyond. Often, it’s like they were nurses to me. For this reason, when they voiced their concerns, I could not complain. So when they asked my husband to remain in the salon for the next time I come, I was just ecstatic that I could even return.
I guess MS won this round but I’m not giving up. I just hope my husband starts staying in the salon while I get my hair done. This is huge because I know he doesn’t want to stay there for hours at a time. I’m there for 2 to 4 hours, depending on what I’m getting done. Hell, I don’t want to stay that long either!
[…] mentioned before, my hair salon asked me to stop coming to their shop. To be fair, the owner actually said, “We can only work on you if you bring someone to assist […]
Nicole,
This is a post I can relate to! I love your blog! You among others have inspired to to start my own. It’s about having MS but also throws in some perspectives I’ve gained from being a Nurse at an MS center…I hope you check it out!
http://www.justkeepsmyelin.com
I’m going to the dentist in a couple of weeks, for teeth cleaning. Ah, transferring to the dental chair, that’ll be…
… fun…?
At least we go out to tea afterwards. That’s the plan, at least… Presuming, of course, that B-San (Mr. B, the ever-so-friendly bladder) is willing to go WITH the flow rather than EMITTING the flow. Well, at least it kinda works… kinda…
Oh, it’s so hard to ask for help. I don’t know why – it’s something that I continually work on. I feel so bad for you, I have been mortified many times, and completely understand not wanting to go back into the place! I thought I would never have short hair, especially after chemotherapy baldness, but you know what? I’ve got short hair! I used to get really sleepy in full service salons. I don’t know if it was the chemicals, the heat or what. My neck would hurt on the sink, she’d put color on and stick me under a heat dryer and holy hallelujah, I just felt TERRIBLE! One time, my hair fell out from the straightener! Now I go to my local wash and cut only. I love the stylist and there are quite a few people in (wheel)chairs. Also, I hunted down some stuff that will cover my white skunk streak (truth: of all places, I only have white down the back. Gah!) that has no nasty chemicals. (And just as an aside, my daughter went natural years ago – just uses natural oils and her hair looks beautiful. The straightening was really taking a toll on it and she gave it up.)
But my latest humiliation was a bladder issue from, of all things – herpes! Yes, I thought I had another bacterial UTI, I was having pain urinating coincidentally after an outbreak. Outbreak cleared up….but the painful urination continued. And then the bad news: the virus can get in the nerve bundle and cause yet more urine retention as well as unbearable pain that drinking lots of water won’t help. It’s sort of like shingles in a very awful place and unbearable pain, sort of like you’re urinating nails. Well, one thing I have lost is ANY degree of dignity with my doctors. This was truly one for the books. I’m trying to keep a sense of humor – but it’s too crazy right now. Thank you, Nicole, for letting us let it all hang out while we hang out…
That’s why I wear a Depends when I am out and about! My hairdresser uses the cool setting for my hair, and leaves the bonnet part of the dryer flipped up.
Karen, I had mine on too! it spilled out regardless!
if you’re wearing Depends, I have a better suggestion. I wear Prevail super absorbancy brief. This product holds a remarkable amount of urine, even suitable for overnight use. You can purchase these on the internet. I find that Depends are virtually useless–they hold about a teaspoon of liquid! That’s much better insurance.
I include a link to this post on my own post today.
http://www.lapazconvos.blogspot.com/2014/03/they-inspire-me.html
Judy, thanks for the thinking of me! wow what a compliment!
knowing I’m not facing the same sort of challenges alone makes me stronger you are a remarkable person
Sheryl, thanks for reading. Come back again!
Nicole, newly dc two years ago and yep my pride is on a slippery slope!! I so appreciate the bold writings and the love you put into each piece.Thank you so much for sharing, most days I wear a wig just to keep from touching my hair and avoiding the stylist..win or no win my neuro explained you are not in control with MS but keep a humble spirit, in many ways we do have to show humility!!!! Keep blogging!!
April, I will. If you just keep on reading!
OMG, Nicole. So sorry that happened. I know about pride. It’s the first thing that had to go for me, but still have wounded pride sometimes. Hopefully you can continue to go.
Mimi, I found a new place to try!
Hi Nicole. I am so proud of you! You continue to put yourself out there and
share with us the good, the bad and the ugly. Thank you! You are truly blessed to have a wonderful care partner in your husband. You are also blessed to have the people at the salon who have been accommodating. Please remember that you are blessing them as well, and probably even more, by educating them on how to treat people who are differently abled. Even though they may not realize it you are teaching them compassion. That’s a lesson everyone can stand to learn.
I may never have the exact experiences you have but whatever MS throws at me I can think of you and know I’m ok. Thank you!
GOOD POINT RACHEL ABOUT TEACHING OTHERS ABOUT COMPASSION. I NEVER REALLY LOOKED AT IT THAT WAY!
Kim, me either!
Rachel, who knows maybe you won’t have them!
I can definitely relate. So many experiences that can compare – but this is not about me, it is about YOU! Thank you for sharing your experience. The first thing that comes to mind is “disposable pull ups”. I resisted this for a long time, but I have gotten to the point where they absolutely help – even as “insurance” for when I am very weak. They help me manage this bladder thing successfully, and they may help you too! Wishing you the very best….
Linda, I had them on!!!!
Nicole, I don’t feel like the MS won. When I have some of those moments I just keep swinging. I’m sure you will overcome this the MS got in a good shot but it didn’t win. I read your posts all the time `and know you’ll overcome it. Just keep swinging.
John, I’m swinging! and swinging
That’s why I went natural. The only reason!! The dryer heat was just like being at Lucifer’s house for me!!! That bathroom situation is all too familiar!!!
Kshanski, I might get the courage to go natural!
I think you would look cute “natural” too. I mean, you can try it and if you hate it go back to the salon. I have a co-worker that goes back and forth with it.
I did not even think about the heat issue. Heat drains me so I imagine that part is tough.
I do think the social interaction from the salon is important too. Something to consider. Regardless, thank you for sharing your story.
Suzanne, I do not really want to go natural. thanks for reading and supporting me!
Thank God my niece is a hairdresser. She comes to my house and does my hair. That way I don’t have to drive to the salon on days my legs are weak or I don’t feel well. I don’t have to sit under a hair dryer because it does drain you. I can get up and go to the restroom when I need to. Bless your heart Nicole. Some days a tougher than others, but we will make it.
Elaine, sounds like you are the lucky one!
oh Nicole.. I am so sorry that you went thru this.. and as I read this I was remembering my last visit at the salon.. I too had not been there in years and a friend of mine invited me to go along and to finally do something with my hair..I for the first time in a long time I was doing something for me… I was getting my hair done. Before I got there I had thoughts of me needing the restroom urgently and not getting there in time. Hearing this from you only reminds me of how very likely this is to happen to me.. thanks for sharing, and I hope that you can find a way to continue going to the salon with your husbands help.. doing this for you should be a good thing, and I hope together you can make it happen. And by the way you look beautiful even on a bad hair day. Keep smiling!
Ellajean,Thanks. it is nice to go to the salon.
As I read this post…I am having a hard time even thinking how to respond. I remember watching a show on TV discussing the expense black women have in styling and keeping their hair. It never dawned on me before. Now its a few years later and you always look so attractive in your pictures…and this post brought back the show I watched on TV. I remember being amazed at the expense and time it took, but Nicole, I have a whole new perspective on all of this now. I had to give up going to a hairdresser because I was losing the ability to drive…was challenged just to mentally process information on the road not to mention see because of blinding kaliedoscope vision. I now do my own hair…both coloring and cutting. I get compliments all the time on my hair. After I went to NY and was treated by Dr. Scott Rosa, I can see and drive again but I still do my own hair. It has been 2 years and I had forgotten how overwelmed I had felt when I had to give up going to the hairdresser. My gosh, Nicole, I want to join the stemcell study SO bad with Dr. Broeska in Canada, but do not have the money. If I had the money right now, I would give it to you so you could get the stem cell intervention. A women just has to be able to get her hair done…and you are just too important to all of us. Your friend, Linda
Linda, thanks for the kind words. in any case, sign me up I’ll try just about anything!
Thank you for putting a smile on my face this am with my Starbucks!!
Melinda, you are so welcome!
Hi Nicole. I haven’t responded in awhile but i read every week.
I am so sorry about your accident. I know about the pride. Since being diagnosed in 2009 I have found myself in precarious situations because I was too proud to ask for help. I’m glad you are able to return. They probably really like you and don’t want to lose you as a customer. It seems like you are a wonderful person. Your husband has been such a great support so i don’t think he would deny you your treat.
Take good care of yourself.
Arletha, You’re right I have a wonderful support system. Thanks for reading.
I am so sorry that you had to go through that. It must have been awful for you. You always look so beautiful and put together. I encourage you to continue to go to the salon. It is another place for you to have social interactions and the bonus is great looking hair. 🙂
Ouch, I feel your pain. I don’t know what you’re having done, I haven’t stepped inside a hair salon in probably 5 years. Luckily, my neighbor across the street is a hairdresser & she comes over about every 5 weeks to cut my hair. I don’t color or get a wash, dry & style, but having her come over & do that is great. Have you thought about asking if they’d like to come to your home? Now I’m trying to find someone to do a mani & pedi in my home.
Kim, if you find someone to do your feet in house that would be grand!
I can sure relate to the unpredictability of natures call and you have shared here one of my worst nightmares. You’re beautiful, as is, but I hope your husband finds a way to accommodate your need to go to the salon.
Laura, don’t worry! she did!
I’m totally with you on this.What a great salon you’ve found, they seem to have given you as much care as they can and hopefully you’re husband can step in now.
It’s a long time to stay in the salon so marks to you for even going.
It’s all about keeping our lives as normal as possible.
Jill, you can say that again!
Nicole, you are very, very brave to make public this embarrassing incident. It’s the type of thing that must happen to a lot of us, but we sure never talk about it. I mean, the less people who know about it the better, in my mind. I’d say you’re lucky to have a husband who will take you places and a salon that is willing to work with you. The last time I tried to get into one of those spinning chairs to get my hair done … let’s just say it wasn’t pretty. I haven’t been to a hair salon in 3 years. My sweet daughter recently went from salon to salon in our town asking if they’d be able to do a manicure and pedicure on someone in a wheelchair. They all said no. Now and then my daughter does my hair. I can’t reach my feet, so it would sure be nice if someone would do my toenails. The chiropractor is a great help to me, but he kindly hinted that his other paralyzed patient brings her husband to help lift her. I haven’t been to the chiropractor since. A massage therapist comes to my home. She tries to help me on and off the massage table and roll me over when it’s time to massage my front. But she’s a tiny thing and several times I’ve come so close to falling off the table – and remember, I’m naked. how embarrassing that would be. My last trip to the dentist was a real fiasco, trying to get in and out of the dentist chair. The poor, petite hygienist tried but just couldn’t lift me. I have another appointment on the 23rd and I’m very worried. My husband has zero patience when it comes to accompanying me anywhere. Even to physical therapy, which the doctor told him he’d have to attend so he can learn to help me with the exercises. He lasted 2 minutes before he started playing with his phone, then left. He never stops telling me how much of his time I waste. Even when it’s five minutes, he claims it was “Hours!”
I keep wondering when I’ll have to give up on getting all the “essential” services. I went for a mammogram but couldn’t stand up so they couldn’t do it. A colonoscopy? I’d never be able to get on the table, much less roll onto my side. Gynecologist? Physically impossible. Now I’m due for an eye exam and don’t think I could climb into the exam chair.
My next big deal is a five-day writer’s retreat, already paid for. Will I be able to get to the bathroom quickly enough in the middle of an intensive class? How many changes of clothing will I go through each day (with nowhere to do laundry.) Will I be able to manage alone in a hotel room for five nights without help? What id I fall? What if I can’t get out of bed? Will I even have the stamina to sit upright all day, every day, for five days straight? I am terrified.
Laurie, I’m simply stunned! him not quite sure the best way to respond, just know that you remain in my thoughts.
Stunned is and understatement and I’m with you on this one, Nicole. I don’t know quite what to say about your situation either Laurie. Well, I do, and I will try to hold back! I wonder, what would your husband think if YOU told HIM him how much of a waste of your time he was. He is being an absolute a$$ toward you! You didn’t ASK for this lovely disease we have and he needs to realize that and start showing you some compassion. Know this…Karma will come back to pay him a visit! And, I’m sorry (and don’t mean to be mean), but I hope she’s not very nice! Don’t dwell on the “what ifs.” I have confidence that you will be OK on your writer’s retreat. YOU, too, have to believe that you will be OK!
The thing is, pride can sometimes work for good; as in, for example, wow, I pushed myself and I did it! It’s when it gets in the way of recognizing our limitations that problems emerge. I hope you can find a solution. Perhaps developing a team of alternating companion/helpers so your husband gets some breathing room?
Judy, she needs some breathing room that’s for sure!
we went to a restaurant last week had my husband. He did the check check. I can get in and they have a handicap bathroom all good!
Have lunch go to go to the bathroom after open the door GROSS flooded mess, ok dont panic there is a handicap bathroom in the main bathroom going to plan B.
Next and only choice now again flooded gross mess MANIC!!
I hate when i think it is all going well and things happen. I am sorry MS won I dont get the blow dry anymore it is too much for me. Chin up love and need your blogs too keep coming!
Liza, you just keep reading, okay? deal?