Down but not out.

“Don’t wait around for other people to be happy for you. Any happiness you get you’ve got to make yourself.” – Alice Walker

Today, after nearly twelve lonely months apart, my husband is scheduled to join me in New Orleans, Louisiana. This is where we lived prior to Maryland. As it so happens we left New Orleans just before Hurricane Katrina hit. We plan to live there again as husband and wife. I’ve convinced him to leave his secure job in Maryland and join me jobless in New Orleans.

That’s bad advice, right?

During this economic downturn, I would guess that it is. I still can’t walk or drive. I can no longer work. It’s selfish and risky, I know. But in a few weeks, I will meet my new normal. And, I’m ready.

I’ve been researching apartments. We’re going to stick to apartments for now. I don’t think buying and selling two homes in seven years has been very profitable. After all we are no realtors. And I found this cute handicap accessible spot that’s really great.

Some people go through tragedies and emerge on the other side saying they are glad they went through it. Well… that’s not me! I can’t stand this disease. I feel like it has robbed me of fundamental aspects of my life. I’m dealing with it, but I truly live with a bit of resentment. I can experience sadness, pity, joy, gratefulness, and elation all within a span of 10 minutes. All I can do is keep trying to hang on to who I am underneath MS.

Several close friends have told me; that in everything you go through there is a lesson. The goal is to find it and learn from it. If you don’t learn from it, it will relentlessly consistently reappear bigger and stronger.

Sometimes when everything is quiet and I am alone, I wonder if this is happening to me because I missed an important lesson along the way? Besides, can it get any worse than this? I say yes, it could be worse.

Continue Reading