“Even if things don’t unfold the way you expected, don’t be disheartened or give up. One who continues to advance will win in the end.” ~ Daisaku Ikeda
Two years ago my spouse and I went into a local restaurant for some lunch. We ordered our food and while waiting I told my husband I wanted to wash my hands. He asked the woman who took our order where the restroom was and she said, “Up the stairs”.
I use a wheelchair, so I thought it was strange she would point us to some stairs when I clearly can’t use them.
I asked her, “Is there another restroom available or maybe an elevator?” She told me, “We only have one toilet and no elevator.”
I couldn’t believe it. So I asked to speak to the manager. But he was no help. He told us, “The restaurant only has one restroom upstairs. None downstairs.” Then he quickly walked away.
Upset, we canceled our order, got a refund and went home. As soon as I entered my house I wrote an email to the restaurant’s corporate headquarters.
The next day I received a response. The message informed me the property was rented and was not owned by the corporation and they were sorry for the inconvenience but their hands were tied.
I was so offended after reading their response. I knew there had to be something I could do. The next day, I contacted my local National MS Society office and they told me to file a complaint with the Justice Department.
I went to the DOJ website US Department of Justice Civil Rights Division and filled out an Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) Discrimination Complaint against the company. It was very easy and straight forward.
Because of a government shut down, it took six months to get a reply back. But once I was in the system, the process moved quicker.
The Department of Justice assigned a local Mediator and Arbitrator to help come up with a mutual agreement. They setup a meeting between the company and myself.
The day of the mediation, we met at the restaurant to inspect the layout. The big mistake I made was not bringing a lawyer.
The restaurant had a regional manager, a contractor and a lawyer present at the meeting. We had the Mediator to help us, but it still felt weird because the restaurant had so many professionals representing it. It was all of them against my husband and myself.
First thing the company reps said was, “How much money do you want?” I told them, “I don’t want any money. I just want accessible restrooms for the elderly and the handicapped.”
They all looked surprised. Then they began whispering to each other.
Next, the lawyer began to speak. He changed their excuse of why they had no accessible restroom. If you remember, they told me the problem was they did not own the building. But now they said the building was over 150 years old, which made it historical. And by law, they didn’t have to change anything.
Thank goodness the Mediator told them they still had to prove that adding an accessible restroom was impossible or not practical. So then the contractor walked us around the property showing us why it could not be done.
After an hour in the restaurant, we moved to a local lawyer’s office for the second part of the meeting. The Mediator called a representative from the Justice Department, by way of conference call. He was needed to help adjudicate the negotiations.
Two hours later we had some mutually agreeable solutions.
1. The hotel next door agreed to let any restaurant customers use their restrooms.
2. The restaurant would train their employees on the proper way to aid any customer who needed help to an accessible restroom.
3. The restaurant would display signs explaining where the accessible restrooms can be found.
4. I cannot publicize the arbitration or the name of the restaurant.
So I guess I won. But it didn’t feel like I did. They still don’t have accessible restrooms and they all seemed like they could care less about getting any. All three men were so insensitive and appeared unconcerned. The regional manager was texting during the whole meeting. Especially when I was speaking. The contractor kept sighing every time I asked a question. Their lawyer asked me three times how much money I wanted. I probably should have taken some money just so they could remember me or as some type of penalty. But I didn’t. And yes, I got some concessions but it just feels like they went back to business as usual. They didn’t even offer us lunch and we were in a restaurant!
Flash forward one year later. On my way home, I passed the restaurant and there was a sign posted. It said, Out of business. Wow, they had been there for 20 years! I’m telling you, that is karma at work.
Wow It does take effort , energy and courage . And to stay clear and not be manipulated to play a complex game. And it may seem a small thing but it isn’t. You can never know how much effect yours and Tommys and the support persons quiet perseverance meant. Arohanui
A lot of what happens to and for us depends on the attitude we take to the party. The world is not designed for me alone nor does it need to be. It is a fact that not one of us will be completely happy all of the time. It is not our job to point out everyone else’s wrongs, as determined by our own personal standard. Most people intend no personal insult; they merely have not reason as of yet to understand circumstances not their own! Yes, the lack of a wheelchair accessible washroom is unfortunate and inconvenient but you did the right thing in the first place by just cancelling your order and leaving. You did the right thing by refusing money and instead coming up with a solution for the restaurant were they to find themselves in a similar situation in the future. I do not expect the world to fit my minority needs. I try to fit into it as best I can. I am always thankful when it works easily and I try to graciously accept the challenge when it doesn’t. I cannot control the world but I can definitely control how I view it and how I move within it. If we want the ‘other guy’ to be considerate of what it feels like to live in our wheelchairs then we need to take time to be considerate of how it feels for restaurants, theatres, etc. to go out of their way to accommodate a minority! There. End of my rant too!
I got told once that me, the guy IN THE WHEELCHAIR, needed to go ACROSS THE STREET, and a rather busy one, if I wanted a bathroom. I wound up going to the bank next door, telling them that I, the guy in the wheelchair needed to use the bathroom on THIS side of the street, and in quite short order they rather apologetically said that I could.
I have not returned to this place, nor will I ever again. Not having done lawyerizing, I’m happy to tell those who wish to know where not to go. I don’t want cash either, I want basic human-to-human kindness. In the meantime, I’m voting with my wallet.
Thank you for posting your experience — and for moving it forward in the first place. It was definitely worth it (I wish you could share the name of the place, even though it is out of business!) I too have begun to check with places before-hand, but I do really appreciate what you went through….
I appreciate your experience and I’m inclined to think it is obvious you have the patience to do the work that change requires. People who are confined to their homes because of not having ramps and railings could use someone like you advocating for a program to assist in the construction that often cannot be done due to not enough funds. I admire that you and your husband share having MS.
Thank you so much for posting this! I wondered how it turned out. I can’t believe how rude they were! But the most important thing is that you stood up not only for your rights but for the rights of all disabled and elderly! Karma is a strange thing….
Nicole ,
Wow, I am proud of you for fighting the good fight!!This is empowering as you did make a difference .We must strive to educate and communicate to the ignorant. You never know but one of those individuals will have difficulty making it to a bathroom and will remember you . Unfortunately , we aren’t always able to see that . There is a app called Parking Mobility where you take a picture of a person illegally parked in a handicapped parking spot and send it to the local police and they will ticket then and a portion is sent to a charity. Each person makes a difference!!
It has never felt right to me to force private companies – restaurants, stores, etc. – to comply with ADA. Public buildings, yes, absolutely. If a restaurant doesn’t have an accessible bathroom, or seating, or entrance, I will vote with my wallet. I and my companions will not spend our money there. I will inform the management why I am not spending my money there, and I will spread the word that the establishment is not accessible. I always call first, and rarely find an inaccessible place these days.
I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL ABT ACCESSIBLE BATHROOMS.I AM SO SICK OF HEARING ABT TRANSGENDER BAYHROOMS FOR A SMALL PERCENTAGE OF PEOPLE. IN THE MEANTIME I HAVE TO WEAR AN ADULT DIAPER WHEN WE VENTURE OUT. WHILE I’M ON THE SUBJECT, I RECENTLY WENT FOR MY OBGYN VISIT. THE BATHROOM DOOR WAS A “LINEN” CLOSET DOOR SO MY CHAIR WOULDN’T FIT THRU IT AND THERE WERE NO HANDBARS TO GRAB ONTO OR EVEN A BENCH TO PUT MY CLOTHES….THIS IS AT A MEDICAL FACILITY….UNACCEPTABLE. PEOPLE HAVE NO IDEA HOW THINGS TRULLY ARE & THINK WE ARE JUST BEING DIFFICULT. TANKS FOR LETTIN ME VENT.
The way the men acted at the meeting sounded selfish and self absorbed instead of focusing on you, their inconvenienced customer. Did you receive an apology for the difficulty the situation caused you? This comparison comes to mind: I lived in Japan for many years. If anything like that had happened anywhere in that country the restaurant owner or employee would have apologized to you, the customer. Bottom line: No customer. no business. (if there’s a next time for this kind of situation, take money as an apology!)