Silly MS has me feeling tired and looking drunk today. I appear as if I may fall on my face at any moment. The room is spinning and I haven’t had a drink. Look out! I may throw up at any minute. What a great day!

This is a continuation of exhaustion and bizarre symptoms I have experienced over the past week. Some of my habitual problems include vertigo, balance issues and weariness. Lately my symptoms are like a plane without a pilot. I have no control. My circumstance is out of my hands. Constrained by the sadistic beast who is Multiple Sclerosis. Fatigue, muscle spasms, cognitive impairment, bladder and bowel difficulties have all become part of my daily life not just occasional annoyances. It feels like I am slowly deteriorating.

My latest symptom is the feeling of choking. I always choke when I eat and drink but lately it seems to have intensified. Yesterday morning while I was eating an orange it got stuck in my throat and I began struggling for air. I started to feel like I was suffocating. This is the worst I have ever choked and it scared me half to death. The most awful part is I now get the feeling even when I am not eating. Just a normal swallow will set it off.

While the choking scares me, the fatigue irritates me. I’m always extremely weary and I know that getting up and doing something would probably make me feel better, but I can’t. I wake up feeling exhausted and by the afternoon it takes serious effort just to sit up and watch TV. I could sleep for days on end if my life would allow.

Sometimes I feel like having MS is a full time 24 hours a day job with crummy benefits and no pay.

I just need to find out where do I turn in my resignation and live without it.