“My friends and family are my support system. Without them I have no idea where I would be and I know that their love for me is what’s keeping my head above the water.” ~ Kelly Clarkson
I’m not always in distress. But lately, my strength has been diminished. Affecting all my abilities. The weariness comes in waves. The smallest spark of fatigue ignites my fears of disease progression. Leading me to a spiral of self-doubt and anxiety.
As multiple sclerosis jigsaws my abilities, so much of my time is spent trying to put the pieces of my life back together again. Just like a puzzle.
It’s hard being creative while wrestling a MonSter. Trying to breathe with a boot on my neck. Struggling to look pass that pain. Fighting to be normal with my back against the wall. Sulking about my life.
I just want to reach up and grab all the rainbows and sprinkle them on everyone who is struggling with MS. Everyone, like me, who battle every day to keep their sanity.
I remember when good health was forever. I was young and carefree. Every day was like a marvelous dream. My main concern was having fun with my friends.
I guess having a chronic disease can cause one to change priorities.
But despite my persistent wavering, I still have faith in the Universe. I trust there can be no joy when there is acceptance of a dark philosophy. So love has always been my guide. My devotion is my provider. My beliefs have led me to happier feelings.
It channels me to the memories of all the people I have met at my local MS support group. They always welcome me with hugs and kisses. I reflect on the bloggers who write articles that mirror my life experiences. I think about the social media posts of people who are just like me. Those who wall walk, complain about the cost of drugs, and strive despite the odds. They all know what I’m going through. They understand my plight. They help me remember; I am not alone.
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Nicole, since I first discovered I had MS and was searching the web and found you, you have been a guiding light of strength and hope for me. If you can survive and fight this, then so can I. Thank you for being strong for all of us that are scared and uncertain.
beautiful words–I too suffer daly with progressive ms–I try to keep smiling but certainly not easy. I live gratefully which really helps–my husband daughters ,family and phenomenal friends keep me smiling–I also cry to myself–so hard. God will help us ..Be well my friend
Thanks Nicole for your kind words. You are truly a beacon of light…..Live on forever. Oh no you are not alone. I was diagnosed with MS in 2015 and I’m trying to reinvent myself. So with this encouragement I will push….
You are not alone! Hugs!
Thank you for sharing your blog, your feelings and thoughts with us. I felt every word as I read it out loud to my husband who is my biggest supporter. MS is a monster and it creates chaos in our lives each day but as you well know, we must continue the fight and you definitely are not alone.
Sending you lots of love my dear. The challenges continue here as well. Let’s determine to have a fabulous 2020!
You are such a beautiful spirit Nicole, you writing reaches out to so many connecting with words
in a way that touches all. You are definitely not alone as there are other all over this world that hear your words, and are with you. I am one of them. Thank you.
It is an isolating disease, for sure. And it’s sooo easy to surrender to the fatigue and painful neurological weirdnesses and loss. And those not unreasonable fears which grow into debilitating monsters in themselves if we let them. I struggle with pushing past that. Thank you for sharing how you adjust your lens to see the rainbows and let people love you.
I really needed the reminder tonight. You are wonderful. Thank you.
I felt the sprinkles for just a second or two. Thank you!!
Hugs and best wishes over the festive season.
Much love to you Nicole. Keep the faith!