For every ailment under the sun
There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it;
If there be none, never mind it. -W.W. Bartley
It just so happens that I am writing my new post on the same day of the 10th anniversary of 9/11. This morning when I woke up I attempted to get out of bed, but unexpectedly slid to the floor! In the background my television showed continuous news coverage of the terror attacks from 2001. I usually use my walker around the house and my wheelchair only for outside excursions but today I have been using my wheelchair inside the house. If this is my only problem on 9/11/11 then I should feel lucky.
Of course, I didn’t welcome this “new normal”. Remember, it’s the period between the “normals” that is the hardest. I don’t welcome any of them. But who would? Who wants to be introduced to a “new normal” that excludes most things you consider normal? As a matter of fact, I saw my leg strength weakening for quite a while. I usually see these “new normals” peaking around the corner but DENIAL, my no good dirty bastard friend, keeps me stagnate.
Many days I prefer to crawl around the house rather than use my pimped out wheelchair! Can you imagine a grown woman crawling around the house? I would sarcastically, but proudly declare, “Crawling is a mode of transportation.” Not today. I have nothing in me to give. There is limited energy in the lower half of my body. And that’s tolerable, because after watching the 9/11 news specials and reports, how can I complain?
Throughout the day, I like to recite this adage to myself:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
Well well, whadaya know lol other people crawl too..and here I thought I was unique lollll Seriously, when the legs go traitor, or I can’t get up off the floor (having landed there unwillingly for one reason or another), I have had to resort to crawling … ant NOT as good as I did as a baby lol.
This disease so sux, there are days when I feel I’m being eaten alive by it. I see it as the enemy, an enemy which has invaded my body (a bit like the invasion of the body snatchers lol) and it is a constant and daily battle of wills. If I weren’t so stubborn, I’m sure I would be a full time wheelchair user by now. So far out of sheer stubbornness, I resort to anything but, walls, scooter, CRAWLING, whatever. I know I will have to face that eventuality but I dread that day and know I will hate myself even more when I’m in one.
Athena, I bet you Will indeed hate it. But also, be plesantly surprsed
by how much it helps!
Nicole
Have you tried Ampyra? (Perhaps you already wrote about it – just wondering…)
Beth, my insurance denied me!
Nicole
Then contact the manufacturer of the drug. They give it to you at no cost.
Kit, Really? Good to know.
Nicole
So did mine, but I appealed to the state’s medical board and they approved it thereby making the insurance company approve it. Never take no for an answer.
Mimi,
Wow! I never even knew there was such a thing! Good for you .
Nicole
Nicole~
I’m so happy that you found me on MSrelief.com! I love your blog! You are a beautiful writer and I can totally relate to your posts! Let’s chat more on facebook!
Linda
Linda, Thanks for the compliment! I’m glad we found each other!
Nicole
I hear you. My leg strength is evaporating, too. I use a disco powered wheelchair at work, but at home, I still wall-walk and stumble around. Leg strength, I don’t have denial over (it’s too blatantly obvious that it’s happening) but my relationship to facing it varies. Sometimes, it’s “just don’t wanna deal.” Sometimes, it’s “I don’t care if doing it makes me fall over, @$#$ it, I’m gonna do it.” Sometimes, it’s “Let’s pretend this is exercise.”
When my relationship to it is healthiest, it’s “Let’s try it.” To be followed immediately by either “Cool, let’s see how long it lasts” or “Nope. Not this time. Next time.”
But like the M.S. itself, my relationship to it is different. Every day.
Robert,
Man, did you get that one right! That sounds like a neat way to go about it. I’m going to try that one.
Nicole
Good post Nicole. I too feel lucky after I watched “Rebirth” about 5 people dealing with effects of 9/11 the last 10 years. Very powerful movie. Stay strong and go long or weak and it seems bleak. Also, just found out a friend has ALS. He and I share the same birthday and age. We went to school and played football together. My issues just became even more insignificant. Thanks for sharing your issues and insight. All the best to you.
Chuck,
Thanks for visiting! Yes, you certainly got my point. All the best to you too!
I love your blog. You make me smile. I imagine if I ever get to the wheelchair stage I will try to crawl too. At least you were moving on your own! For me it is my hands that are failing and I refuse to use dictation software to write. I much prefer to struggle and deal with the pain 🙂
Melissa,
It really is contagious! Because you just made me smile too! Wow, I never considered losing hand control. I imagine, I would cringe ate the dictation software too.
🙂
Nicole
Go ahead and complain. I’m listening. Besides you have good reason.
Judy, Thanks.
Nicole
Nicole,
Please continue to write your struggle. I have found that through it all, it helps to take a moment to acknowledge how things are — and then keep moving ahead. There are really difficult days that challenge every movement that we make. You will definitely make it my sister — stay mindful that even the most difficult thing has a positive component – no matter how tiny…Be well
Linda,
You are so right. 🙂
This one spoke directly to me Nicole!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kshanski.
Oh, I remember now.
Nicole
Thank you for your posting. I have been watching my legs go away for some time now. It feels as if I am losing a very good friend only gradually. Every once and a while I see my life as yours. I was thinking it was the lords way of helping me accept the new normal yet to come. I keep my positive attitude and choose not to share the negative….this keeps me moving in the right direction. Look for the good everyday and everyday will be good. .
Jean,
That was a powerful yet humbling comment. Keep moving forward.
Nicole