“Every time we let something go we open ourselves up to something better”-Lori Deschene
The past two days have been unusually rough, for no apparent reason. No new symptoms. No new arguments at home. I have been taking my psyche medications consistently. But I found myself tired and hiding in the bedroom. So, when my husband asked me if I wanted to go to the store I wiped my eyes and resounded with a whopping, “YES!” He gave me a strange look, but then got the wheelchair ready for our outing to Target!
Once in the store we went our separate ways. He did the majority of shopping for food but first pushed me to my area of interest: clothes. I successfully navigated through the isles. It’s tough shopping in a wheelchair. The clothing racks are awkward and tiresome to reach. Often, I can barely fit my wheelchair in between the displays. It makes me wonder if some stores are truly handicap accessible, like they boast. Still, I found a few items on clearance, which is always a plus! I even saw another lady shopping there in a wheelchair too! She had her little shopping basket on her lap. She was shopping without help. Just like me! For some reason seeing her made me feel proud of myself. I don’t know why.
Within a couple of minutes I had to use the restroom. Hmmm. Should I call my husband to help me? I really didn’t want to. I felt capable and in control so I wheeled myself to the ladies room alone. Now, the most complicated thing here for me is getting the restroom door open. It’s difficult because it’s so very heavy to me. My plan of attack is to push the door open with one extended leg. I can do it if need be, but it’s at a huge cost. It drains my energy for the rest of my shopping. So as I was struggling to open the door an employee walked up and offered assistance. It was obvious I needed help, but I actually had to think twice before I let her help me. Why is it so hard to accept help?
Well, I did accept her offer to open the door and she even returned to let me back out of the restroom!
I find that when I allow others to help me, it brings out the best in both of us. I also have to continuously let go of how I use to be. Including, what I use to be able to do for myself. I’m learning to balance my quest for independence while still receiving help from others. The two need not be exclusive.
Best of all, I saved my energy and I was able to continue shopping!